Chewin' the Fat

Extras

2009-05-21T14:45:00.001-07:00

We had technically three songs we'd use as either soundcheck or encore filler, typically. We'd cover Lights Out just for fun and My Old Man's a Fatso, both from The Angry Samoans, a fair amount (esp. the latter). And then we'd do this one I think you'll recognize:

(To the tune The KKK Took My Baby Away)

I went out to eat for the holidays
Said I wanted KFC
But I never got fed
I never got fed
I never got fed, I say

I went out to eat for the holidays
Said I wanted KFC
But I never got there
I never got fed
I never got fed, I say

The KFC took my gravy away
They took it away
Away from me
The KFC took my gravy away
They took it away
Away from me

Hey
Ho
Hey
Ho

Now I don't know
Where my gravy can be
They took it from me
They kept it from me
I don't know
Where my gravy can be
They took it from me
They kept it from me

Ring me, ring me, ring me
Up the Colonel
And find out where my gravy went
Ring me, ring me, ring me
Up the Country Fried
And tell me
how I'm supposed to survive
Yeah, yeah, yeah

O-o-o-o-o-o
O-o-o-o-o-o

I went out for the holidays
SAID! I wanted KFC
But I never got fed
I never got fed
I never got fed, I say

I went out to eat for the holidays
Said I wanted KFC
But I never got fed
I never got fed
I never got fed, I say

The KFC took my gravy away
They took it away
Away from me
The KFC took my gravy away
They took it away
Away from me

The KFC took my gravy away
They took it away
Away from me
The KFC took my gravy away

They took my side dish
They took my gravy away

The end of the set - always

2009-05-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

We'd always do this 2-in-1 to close out our time. The 2nd song here would come in, just for that bit, prior to the final rejoin of the chorus on the 1st song. I'd also use that break time to introduce the band members: Foil von FranksNBeans, Jerry Baloney, Dr. C.H.O.A.D., and yours truly, Glen Hamzinger. We always nailed this one (except when my voice broke once right at the beginning. Great timing, that one).

(To the tune of Last Caress)

Well I got something to say,
I ate a baby today,
and it doesn't matter much to me,
as long as it's fresh

Well I got something to say,
I gorged on innards today,
and it doesn't matter much to me,
Placenta is best

Sweet tasty death,
I've gotta have the worst breath,
Come sweet death, One last carcass

Sweet tasty death,
I've gotta have the worst breath,
Come spoiled death, One last carcass

Well I got something to say,
I ate a body today,
and it doesn't matter much to me,
as long as it's fresh

Sweet tasty death,
I've gotta have the worst breath,
Come sweet death,

BREAKOUT - CHANGE GEARS TO THIS SONG INSTEAD!

Butter
Spread on my toast everyday
From a cube or from a spray
Is it olean?
Is it parkay?
Butter

Butter
Can you keep my heart from working right?
No blood flow without a fight
Oh butter

And doctor
I can't seem to feel my left arm or right
Cholestorol has made me a sight
Oh doctor

Not about to start eating light
But if you wanna eat large with me
I can show you what it's like
Till your wheezing

Not about to start eating light
But if you wanna eat large with me
I can show you what it's...

AND NOW, BACK TO THE ACTION:

One last carcass

One last carcass, sweet death
One last carcass, sweet death
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh

Lyrics - Where Ladies Dare

2009-05-21T14:35:00.000-07:00

Quite possibly the no. 1 crowd favorite here. I know it's my fave rendition out of all of them. I was darned proud of this one.

(To the tune of Where Eagles Dare)

We walk the streets at night
Let's go where ladies dare,
I'll pick up your big bar tab,
You pick up this big loser,
Through beer-goggled eyes and features,
You think I really care?

I am one fatass son of a bitch
You better think about it baby
I am one fatass son of a bitch
You better think about it baby, babe

An omelet made of cheese
Sounds real good right now
It's not that I'm fat -
It's an overactive gland!

I am one fatass son of a bitch
You better think about it baby
I am one fatass son of a bitch
You better think about it baby, baby

Let's test your threshold of pain
Let's see how long I last
That strange feeling from behind
Is my gut on your ass

Through beer-goggled eyes and features,
You think I really care?
Let's go where ladies dare
We'll go where ladies dare

I am one fatass son of a bitch
You better think about it baby
I am one fatass son of a bitch
You better think about it baby
I am one fatass son of a bitch
You better think about it baby
I am one fatass son of a bitch
You better think about it baby, hey

Lyrics - We Eat

2009-05-21T14:34:00.001-07:00

Kinda obvious but a good h/c one to throw in and rile the crowd up a bit.

(to the tune of WE BITE)

We walk the streets, no good to do
We eat
Just on a feast of fat and food
We eat
Omnivores live for pleasure
We eat
Strike out like Orson Welles
We eat

And when I get my food I inhale it
I eat more like a duck
I want more food, I'm never full
To eat some more

We eat
We eat
We eat
We eat

And when I get my food I inhale it
I eat more like a duck
I want more food, I'm never full
To eat some more

We eat
We eat

And when I get my food I inhale it
I eat more like a duck
I want more food, I'm never full
To eat some more

We eat
We eat
We eat
We eat

Lyrics - TV Dinner Casualty

2009-05-21T14:30:00.000-07:00

Intro'd into our set the last year or so, good to have on hand for longer set times. Always hoped we could get our pals in Stay Tuned to close out the song with the I Love Lucy theme but it never came together that way.

We did, however, get to do the 7" non-guitar Misfits' version of She together at the show in Chico, CA.

(To the tune of TV Casualty)

There are green peas in everything I own
The vapor rub is lying on a table of filth
Checkup cards to which I never reply
Feel like I'm stuffed to my eyeballs tonight

TV dinner casualty, TV dinner casualty
We're all right
TV dinner casualty, TV dinner casualty
I wish they'd put Swanson in a tube
Hold on, I think I have to puke
There's a spot in the corner where I always go
I like to recycle the food that I know

But please don't take my TVdinner-'way
Please don't take my TVdinner-'way
Please don't take my TVdinner-'way
Please don't take my TVdinner-'way

TV dinner casualty, TV dinner casualty
We're all right
TV dinner casualty, TV dinner casualty

Two bucks a piece, they call this a deal
Still a cheap dinner, no cleanup
Tear off the foil, dig right in
Hard to breathe, peas stuck in my throat

Sponsors at the cemetery
Worms feasting on the fat in my grave
Coffin too small at your grave
"Curse the man who invented fried cheese!"
TV dinner casualty, TV dinner casualty
We're all right
TV dinner casualty, TV dinner casualty
We're all right
TV dinner casualty, TV dinner casualty

Lyrics - Some Kinda Meat

2009-05-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

Not the most clever one we did, I'll admit, but it was a crowd sing-along fave - plus, it allowed me to dance like Elvis as we played it a bit faster than the original recordings. And, oddly enough, it is based on an actual doctor visit of mine. Gotta love it when art meets reality, huh, kids?

(To the tune of Some Kind of Hate)

There's some kinda love
For some kinda meat
Doc said my triglycerides
Were 888

And it's a whoah...
I said whaoh

Hear the cows cry
It's a call - just can't keep away
What they don't know is soon
They'll be on my plate

And it's a whoah...
Baby whoah...
And it's a whoah...
I said woah

There's some kinda love
For some kinda meat
I'm gonna tell you all about it now
Doc said my triglycerides
Were 888

And it's a whoah...
Baby whoah...
Baby whoah..
I said whoah...whoa whoa...whoa...

Lyrics - Private Bidness

2009-05-20T16:02:00.000-07:00

Played this one straight ahead, Misfits-style for awhile; then we switched the music to match the Samhain version and that instantly made it one of our faves. I always had to check with Dr. C.H.O.A.D. if he could make it since it nearly always fell mid-way through the set. He'd blow out some air usually and gimme a determined, "Yeah," right back.

(To the tune of Horror Business)

Too much private business
keepin' me up at night
Bowel Movement #78
My bathroom is new
You, you don't go in the bathroom after me

Bowel Movement #78
12 o'clock, way too late
All this private business
My sinkers are black
You, you don't go in the bathroom after me
With you
I would not wanna be you
I'm warning you
I would not wanna be you

Too much private business
keepin' me up at night
Bowel Movement #78
My bathroom is fresh for you
You, you don't go in the bathroom after me

Bowel Movement #78 I'm talking about
12 o'clock, way too late
I say, all this private business
My sinkers are black -- it's true!
You, you don't go in the bathroom after me
With you
I've put the fan on for you
I'm warning you
I'll spray lots of Lysol
I'm warning you
I'll light a match just for you
I'm warning you
This is some na-sty ass stool
I'm warning you

You, nobody can do what I can do, no

Lyrics - Mouthbreathers

2009-05-20T15:57:00.000-07:00

Here's one we never played out and, I think, only practiced once. Go figure. Might've been fun but I think we canned it 'cuz it's just "too long" (in Misfits' lore).

(To the tune of Hate Breeders)

Whoa oh oh
No
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh

Fat alters the way you breathe
(Whoa oh oh)
You make noise the way no human being should
Because fat equals cancellation
Next step: full cavitation

And heavy breathing's all you wanna know
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh

Not enough air penetrates your skull
(Whoa oh oh)
It's in your head and you can't clear it
Because you can't think of a time
When you didn't make that nasal whine!
Just try to breath for once through your nose
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh

Because I can't fucking take it
Next step annihilation

Just try to breathe through your fucking nose
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh

This is your crime; this is your fault
(Woah oh oh)
But you don't know because you're ignorant
Because when you try to break through
You're sucking my air, too!

And "Breathe Right" is all you gotta know
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
Whoa oh oh
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
And all you know
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh
And all you know
Mouthbreathers whoa oh oh

Double-shot Wednesday

2009-05-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

Why? Because we like you - and because we always did these two back-to-back a'la the originals.

First up:

(To the tune of Mommy Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight)

Singled out the cooking that mean something to me,
Kingsford and Webber and a recipe
But I don't give a..., it's a blast

Studied TV every night
Watch Food Network so I'll be smart
People all say I'm a little fucked

Mommy I'm a good boy,
Mommy I'm a fuckin' master,
Mommy I've a goal:

Mommy, can I go out and GRILL TONIGHT?!

Throw on steaks with marbled fat,
Until they're seared just right
Red-blooded kids love BBQ
An ectasy of meat
I'll make the perfect meal
For it's my mommy's dream
Can I go out and grill tonight, grill tonight

Burgers, tofu, and kebobs
I use the whole damn grill
I could do this every night
until I've had my fill
I'll make the perfect meal
For it's my mommy's dream
Can I go out and grill tonight, grill tonight

Chicken, steaks, and vegetables
I'll fill up every plate
Every night I cook and cook
Until I get it straight
I'll make the perfect meal
For it's my mommy's dream

Can I go out and grill tonight, grill tonight
Grill tonight, grill tonight, grill tonight, grill tonight
Grill tonight, grill tonight

Can I go out and grill tonight, grill tonight
Grill tonight, grill tonight, grill tonight, grill tonight
Grill tonight, Grill tonight

And, no. 2:

(To the tune of London Dungeon)

They called us walkin' entrees
Living unprocessed meals
They wanna dice us up
Put us in all their pretty dish

Make sure your bodies clean now
Can't have no "Mad Cows" in here
All of us in here are clean, boy
All the shanks are prime and well.

I don't wanna be part of your London Broil
I don't wanna be part of your main entree
Ain't no mystery why I'm in misery in Hell
Here's hoping you'll swell

They called us walkin' entrees
Living unprocessed meals
They wanna dice us up
Put us in all their pretty dish

I don't wanna be part of your London Broil
I don't wanna be part of your main entree
Ain't no mystery why I'm in misery in Hell
Here's hoping you'll swell

Make sure our bodies clean now
Can't have no "Mad Cows" in here
All of us in here are clean, boy
All the shanks are prime and well.

I don't wanna be part of your London Broil
I don't wanna be party your main entree
Ain't no mystery why I'm in misery in Hell

Hope you choke in Hell
Hope you choke in Hell
Hope you choke in Hell
Hope you choke in Hell

Lyrics - Night of the Hungry Man

2009-04-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting selection. This is one of my personal all-time fave Misfits songs. I didn't want to touch it at all seeing how I held it (and its inspiration) in such high regard. But societal pressures forced me to relent and so you have what's below here.

Also one of the most difficult covers to sing. Really.

(to the tune of Night of the Living Dead)

No
No oh
No oh
No oh

"Stumble in somnambulance" 'cause
pre-dawn grumblings make me rise
yawning chasm of emptiness
heed the call the hungry man

Only once? All my life
An empty gut needs relief
Only once? All my life
Takin' a late nite picnic

This ain't no dreamin'
This is my appetite
This ain't something I control...

No
No oh
No oh
No oh

You think like a zombie, eat like a pig
Penthouse forum food magazine
Well tell you right now
This ain't no fantasy, boy

This ain't no dreamin'
This is my appetite
This ain't something I control...

No
No oh
No oh
No oh
No oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Lyrics - Man-titties

2009-04-30T15:34:00.000-07:00

Let's call this one a big ol' rarity: We played it live only once, the first time we played for Michale Graves (in Gotham Road at the time, too). He found our set list on the stage during their set and just started laughing, calling this one out in particular, "You guys really have a song called, 'Man Titties'? That's fucking awesome!" That was like our 3rd or 4th show and was all the vindication we needed. And so the bond was borne...

(To tune of Attitude)

Man titties, I got some freakin' man titties,
I can't believe what are hangin' off me,
I got some man titties.

Inside my t-shirt I'm smugglin' baseballs,
If you put it to a test, I got bigger tits than most girls I know.

Man titties, these things I got, oh baby
Man titties, these things I got, oh baby
Man titties

Inside my t-shirt I'm smugglin' baseballs,
If you put it to a test,
I got bigger tits than most girls I know.

Man titties,I got some freakin' man titties,
(Man titties) I can't believe what are hangin' off me,
I got some man titties.

Man titties,I got some freakin' man titties,
(Man titties) I can't believe what are hangin' off me,
I got some man titties.

Lyrics - Hungry Moments

2009-04-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

Another where, live, it was tough to hear the joke. But we nailed this cover so nicely I don't think anyone really minded much...

(to the tune of Hybrid Moments)

If you're gonna eat, eat with me
'cause I'm so hungry, man
Burgers, chips, and soda pop
I wanna eat 'em all again

Ooh baby, have a fry
Our life is sedentary
Don't wipe your mouth with your shirt
In hungry moments...Use a napkin...
In hungry moments...Use a napkin...

Ooh baby, have a fry
Our life is sedentary
Don't wipe your mouth with your shirt
Just use a napkin...Use a napkin...
Just use a napkin...Use a napkin...

In hungry moments
Just use a napkin..
Just use a napkin..
Just use a napkin..

Ooh baby, have a fry
Our life is sedentary
Don't wipe your mouth with your shirt

In hungry moments
In hungry moments

In hungry moments
In hungry moments

Just use a napkin..
Just use a napkin..

Lyrics - Ding Dong

2009-04-30T15:26:00.001-07:00

A tough one, right? The primary purpose here was to provide background music for a Ding Dong eating competition. We'd select two volunteers from the audience and have them race, seeing how many Ding Dongs they could eat before we finished the song. We usually had to cut it short as said volunteers were usually A:) not at our levels of gastronomical tolerance and B:) completely wasted.

A couple of Zoo Bombers from here in PDX were our fave competitors. Contrast that to the volunteers at SXSW who just danced about and threw the treats at the crowd. At least one of them managed to rape Jerry Baloney, much to our amusement...

(To the tune Rat Fink)

D-,
I say D-I,
D-I-N,
D-I-N-G,
DING,
D-I-N-G, DING, DING, DING, DING

D-,
I say D-O,
D-O-N,
D-O-N-G,
DONG,
D-I-N-G D-O-N-G,
DING DONG!

DING DONG!
DING DONG!
DING DONG!
DING DONG!
DING DONG!
D-I-N-G D-O-N-G,
DING DONG!

DING DONG
DING DONG
DING DONG
DING DONG
DING DONG
D-I-N-G D-O-N-G,
DING DONG!

DING DONG
DING DONG
DING DONG
DING DONG
DING DONG
D-I-N-G D-O-N-G,
D-I-N-G D-O-N-G,
D-I-N-G D-O-N-G,
DING DONG!

Lyrics - I Turned Into a Lardass

2009-04-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

One of the penultimate crowd faves - if this one didn't get you listening before you started singing along to the lyrics you remember then nothing would. Strong middle-set candidate, constant companion for us and most commonly used to demonstrate our concept: "See, instead of 'I Turned Into a Martian' we sing, 'I Turned Into a Lardass.' Get it?"

I Turned Into a Lardass (To tune of "I Turned Into A Martian")

Possession of a gut is a wonderful thing,
It's a transformation with an urge to eat,
Not the body of a normal guy,
Not a face with just one chin,

Whoa
Well I turned in to a lardass
Whoa
I can't even see my feet
Whoa
Sometimes gas keeps me up all night
Whoa
Well I turned into a lardass today.
I walk down city streets,
of a way-too-skinny human world,
Extra large in your midst,
A buffet is mine to own, 'cause:

Whoa
Well I turned in to a lardass
Whoa
I can't even see my dick
Whoa
Sometimes I really miss that thing
Whoa
Well I turned into a lardass today.
(chorus to end)

Lyrics - Hollywood Waffle House

2009-04-27T20:15:00.000-07:00

Just a fun one, imagining what a West Coast appearance of this Southern staple might bring. It was always good for a smirk or two in the audience.

Hollywood Waffle House (tune of Hollywood Babylon)

Who came along for the ride?
We can't all fit inside
Do you take your hashbrowns covered or capped?
It's heaven, dripping down my chest

Hollywood Waffle House
Hollywood Waffle House

Flesh omelet, syrup divine
Extra - gravy on the side
Why don't we go there tonight?
We can't all fit inside

Hollywood Waffle House
Hollywood Waffle House

Why don't we go there tonight?
Yeah you - you can't fit inside!
Do you take your hashbrowns covered or capped?
It's heaven - stops the heart in my chest

Hollywood Waffle House
Hollywood Waffle House
Hollywood Waffle House
Hollywood Waffle House

Lyrics - Halloween

2009-04-27T20:13:00.001-07:00

Yeah, not too original here but the changes, I think, more than make up for it. I changed it once to Thanksgiving when we had a show right after that weekend. I'd done it too long as what's below, tho', to change it in my head.

Another crowd fave, too.

HALLOWEEN

Doorways shining bright
Bulging sacks in the night
I remember Halloween

Dumb kids throwing stones
They're little ones from whom I stole
I remember Halloween

Find me - bloated, old
From one last candy score
I remember Halloween

This day anything goes
Eat so much that I'll explode
I remember Halloween

Halloween
Halloween
Halloween
Halloween

Candy apples and M&M's
Coat my in-tes-tine
I remember Halloween

This day anything goes
Eat so much that I'll explode
I remember

Halloween
Halloween
Halloween
Halloween

Halloween
Halloween
Halloween
Halloween

Halloween (to end)

Lyrics - Elastic Age

2009-04-27T20:11:00.000-07:00

We played this one alot more early on, relying on it to slow things down a bit.

Elastic Age (tune of Static Age)

Elastic, elastic, elastic
Fat fashion's all the rage,
Elastic, elastic, elastic
Fat fashion's all the rage

We're all thru with the stretch marks, too
We're all thru with the stretch marks, too
This is the elastic age we live in
Our legs can cross at the thought

This is the elastic age we live in
Freedom!
Let your gut out - no more held-in breathin',
Stuff in, squeeze in
This is an elastic age
Our very elastic age
This is an elastic age

Elastic, elastic, elastic
These are elastic pants I'm wearin',
Elastic, elastic, elastic
Fat fashion's all the rage

We're all thru with the stretch marks, too
We're all thru with the stretch marks, too

Lyrics - Green Eggs

2009-04-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

Now, this one, I was proud of this one. It's one of the really solid ones that came so naturally, so easily, so quickly, that I knew it was meant to be.

With all gratitude and apologies to both Danzig and Dr Seuss...

Green Eggs (tune of Green Hell)

Here on this plate
Lies green eggs 'n ham
Touch 'em, taste 'em
NO!

Here on this plate
From Sam I Am
Touch 'em, taste 'em
NO!

You're gonna like 'em
Yeah you'll love 'em
You'll come to this like no one could
I bet you never really knew that
You'll come to this like no one could
I bet you never really...

Here on this plate
Lies green eggs 'n ham
Touch 'em, taste 'em
WHOA!

Here on this plate
From Sam I Am
Touch 'em, taste 'em
WHOA!

You're gonna like 'em
Yeah you'll love 'em
You've come to this like no one could
You've come to this like no one could
I bet you never knew you would now
You've come to this like no one could

Lyrics - Don't Open That Mayonnaise

2009-04-27T16:17:00.000-07:00

We had to do at least one Graves-era 'fits tune and this one worked out clearly the best of the batch. We had the opportunity to play with Michale Graves (solo, acoustic solo, and with Gotham Road) and we always found him to be a pretty decent guy - hard-working, easy-going, approachable, and always putting on a good show. Again, believe what you want about the guy but that's the Michale we know and respect. And, man alive, that voice of his - the kid's got pipes for days, pipes I would pretty much kill for.

We pretty much always saved this song for the next-to-last spot in the set. The first time we played it for him (in Seattle, the 2nd time we played w/ him) we were a little nervous - we just weren't sure if he had a good enough sense of humor. Part-way through our set I looked out, far in the back of the venue, and saw a smaller-framed guy in a hoodie standing there, nodding and laughing. That's all the validation I needed. He seemed to enjoy the following in the spirit in which it was intended which is good...

Don't Open That Mayonnaise (tune of Don't Open 'til Doomsday)

I bought this jar of condiments so long ago
And now when I wanna use it, I really do not know
Just when did I buy it? When was it made?
A thought comes to me as I twist the lid:

Don't open that mayonnaise
Expiration reads this past May
Don't open that mayonnaise
You might not like what you'll find
Inside

Made of dairy products oh so long ago
Now induces stomach cramping and painful fecal flow
Entering a realm of a pain I've never known
Bowing to the god, the god of porcelain

Don't open that mayonnaise
Expiration reads this past May
Don't open that mayonnaise
You might not like what you'll find
Inside

Don't open that mayonnaise
Expiration reads this past May
Don't open that mayonnaise
You might not like what you'll find
Inside

Lyrics - Diet Diet My Darling

2009-04-27T16:15:00.000-07:00

We added this one mid-way through our band's life and it was an insta-hit. Thereafter it would always fall 2nd in the set, usually w/o pause from 20 Pies. It also inspired our 2nd t-shirt design as well.

Diet Diet My Darling (tune of Die Die My Darling)

Diet diet diet my darling
Don't shed a single pound
Diet diet diet my darling
Just stuff your pretty mouth
I'll be seein' you gain weight
I'll be seein' you obese

Don't lose that weight now baby
Your future is here in a donut box yeah
Don't lose that weight now baby
Glad to know what size you belong
Don't lose that weight now baby
Glad to see it a' comin' on
Don't lose that weight now baby
Chubby girl for a fatass guy
Don't lose that weight now baby
Now your gut hangs over your pants
Don't lose that weight now baby

Diet diet diet my darling
Don't shed a single pound
Diet diet diet my darling
Just stuff your pretty mouth
I'll be seein' you gain weight
I'll be seein' you obese

Don't lose that weight now baby
Your future is here in a donut box yeah
Don't lose that weight now baby
Glad to know what size you belong
Don't lose that weight now baby
Glad to see it a' comin' on
Don't lose that weight now baby
Chubby girl for a fatass guy
Don't lose that weight now baby
Now your gut hangs over your pants
Don't lose that weight now baby

Diet diet diet my darling
Don't shed a single pound
Diet diet diet my darling
Just stuff your pretty mouth
I'll be seein' you gain weight
I'll be seein' you obese

Lyrics - 20 Pies

2009-04-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

Always started with this one - always. It's a familiar enough Misfits song in their catalog but, for our purposes, the gag is immediate. The 2nd word fulfills any possible expectations when people come out to see us but don't quite know what to expect. This one removes all doubt, moves quickly, and gets you hooked. Or, in the case of crusty punks and most young kids, gets you P.O.'d.

20 Pies (tune of 20 Eyes, duh)

Twenty pies in my head
Twenty pies in my head
Twenty pies in my head
They're all the same
They're all meringue

Twenty pies in my head
Twenty pies in my head
Twenty pies in my head
They're all the same
They're all meringue

When you're eatin' twenty pies at a time
You just can't slow things down
And a'when you're twenty pies in your mind
You just don't slow things down

All those pies
Well they're backing up your sinuses
I said all those pies
It's an overload...

Twenty pies in my head
Twenty pies in my head
Twenty pies in my head
They're all the same
They're all meringue

When you're eatin' twenty pies at a time
You just can't slow things down
And a'when you're twenty pies in your mind
You just don't slow things down

All those pies
Well they're backing up your sinuses
I said all those pies
It's an overload...

Twenty pies in my head
Twenty pies in my head
Twenty pies in my head
They're all the same
They're all the same

Lyrics - 288

2009-04-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

Ah, the crowd fave, usually falling late in our set. It was always a good rallying tune, if we were in danger of losing the crowd.

288 (tune of 138)

We weigh 288
We weigh 288
We weigh 288

We weigh 288
We weigh 288
We weigh 288

Do you think it's sad or obscene
that we cause an unreal scene?
Is it time to eat like a wuss
Or like a man?

All pleasantries all gone
We're two instead of one
In our eyes
Size matters

We weigh 288
We weigh 288
We weigh 288

We weigh 288
We weigh 288
That's our
That's our median weight

Weight (by, oh, say, 23x more)

Lyrics - Buffet Zombies

2009-04-24T08:34:00.001-07:00

Sing-along crowd fave here, which is its strength over our limited re-lyricizing... Always fun to do, tho'.

Buffet Zombies (tune of Astro Zombies)

Whoa
All I want tonight
All I want

With just a bunch of coupons in hand
Send my buffet zombies to roam this land
Prime directive: Exterminate!
The whole Izzy's buffet

And your face drops in a pile of food
And your heart-heart pounds and stops in death
Prime directive: Exterminate!
Every plate yeah

All I wanna say
All I gotta do
We're gonna cut in line in front of you

And all I wanna say
And all I gotta do
You're gonna have to wait until we're through

Whoa
All I want tonight
All I want

With just a wave of my corpulent hand
Send my buffet zombies to roam this land
Prime directive: Exterminate!
The whole fucking place

And your face drops in a pile of food
And your heart-heart pounds and stops in death
Prime directive: Exterminate!
Every plate yeah

All I wanna say
All I gotta do
We're gonna cut in line in front of you

And all I wanna say
And all I gotta do
You're gonna have to wait until we're through

Whoa
All I want tonight
All I want

Lyrics - BBQ

2009-04-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

Not my best lyrical trans-substantiation, by far, but this one's such a crowd favorite that it doesn't really matter, I soon realized, what lyrics you put to it - so long as you do it w/ utter conviction.

BBQ (tune of Bullet)

Brisket grilling slow on low heat
Rub grill and eat
Brown sugar and soy sauce
Make my sauce sweet
It's fucking meat

Jen is my prep cook, she does it all
Like mashed potato rolls

Texas is a paradise of barbecue
Texas is a nightmare - go there, it's true
One of the reasons that there's good barbecue
You gotta suck, suck, clean-finger suck

Brisket grilling slow on low heat
Rub grill and eat
Brown sugar and soy sauce
Make my sauce sweet
It's fucking meat

Texas is a paradise of barbecue
Tennessee, Carolina, and KC, too
These are the reasons that there's good barbecue
You're gonna suck, suck, clean-finger suck

Arise, people, oh,
Connoisseurs of all things meat
Well arise and be fulfilled
My sauce be your life source
There's ribs for your dessert
And the only way to get 'em
Is to suck, or pump, from me
Oh go ahead and really baste 'em
Really baste 'em
Then slurp it from your palm
Like a dry rib rack soakin' sauce
Soakin' up sauce
Like a dry rib rack soakin' sauce
Soakin' up sauce

Lyrics - Gas Comes Ripping

2009-04-23T08:55:00.001-07:00

Like Come Back this one was only used on our 2-date tour in 2007 as well.

Gas Comes Ripping

Doubled-over down low
I might throw up
Repeat is coming
Gas building up
Whoa
Anal blast, a bit of turtle head

With both eyes clenched shut
Skidmarks that could kill
Smell the evil
Feel the heat as I blast ass open

Gas comes ripping
And I know it, gas comes ripping
You smell the heat as gas comes ripping

Rip your pants out
And gas comes ripping out

Fresh and loud
Stale and quiet
Churning it over
A little too late - now suffocate

Gas comes ripping
And it's going, gas comes ripping
You smell the heat as gas comes ripping
Rip your pants out

Gas comes ripping
And it's going, gas comes ripping
You smell the heat as gas comes ripping
Rip your pants out

Gas comes ripping

And I know that gas comes ripping out

Whoa
Whoa
Whoa
Whoa

Lyrics - Come Back

2009-04-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

Our take on the classic, played only on our Medford/Chico tour in 2007.

Come Back

Come back little waiter and clear my plate
I've been waiting, endless waiting
Come back - dessert awaits

Come back little garscon, dessert cart please
I am - not full, I am - not done
Come back, dessert cart now

I think you'll realize when I'm done
Well, in a booth - sleepin' in a coma
Barely alive - but I've just begun

I think you'll realize when I'm done

You gotta come back
You gotta come back
You gotta come back
You gotta come back

Come back little waitress, here wipe my face
I've been eating, endless eating
Come back, refill my plate

I think you'll realize when I'm done
Crapped my pants - my heart stopped momentsago

I'm not alive - I've just begun

And I think you'll realize when I'm done

You gotta come back
You gotta come back
You gotta come back
You gotta come back

You gotta come back, come back, well, come back
Right back to me
You gotta come back, come back, come on back
Right back to me
You gotta come back, come back, come on back
Right back to me
You gotta come back, come back, come on back
Right back to me, yeah

The Final Show - a summary, first

2008-12-02T10:15:00.001-08:00

It's taken me awhile to write this entry simply because part of me didn't want to. It's tough to call quits on something that's been so damn reliably fun for almost 5 years. I wish we could've taken the 'fats to more people, in more places, but that just ain't economically viable (that's time and money, folks).

In creating this band we resolved early on to call it off completely if it ever became un-fun or a hassle. With Foyle moving 5 hours away driving that just made it very much a hassle. And, we figured, why not end on an upswing, a positive note, before it's just a tired gig, "just another tribute act." We're well aware that we were never that, tho'. No way, no how. J.V. Bastard, lately touring with Michale Graves on his solo acoustic set (J.V. plays guitar on a few songs so it's mostly solo) which you should go see anytime and everytime, said we weren't just the funnest Misfits tribute act - we were, by far, the best Misfits tribute act. That's high praise IMO, considering the source. And it's close to the heart of the 'fats: We were always respectful of the Misfits catalog and historical importance. We just wanted to have fun with it, too. I think we managed that quite well.

Sure, we had some bad shows here and there but the feedback we'd get afterward showed that we were the only ones thinking it wasn't good enough. That was sure nice of a shot in the arm, too. Early on, I'd said that we needed to play every show as if it's our final. Now that we've played our final show, though, I can say that's not entirely a fair goal. Each show became an opportunity to put out the goods, to sell people on this idea, to elevate the ridiculous into the realm of the sublime. And while crusty punx and most kids didn't like us (the former being too self-righteous, the latter being, as one older patron worded it, "not secure enough in their punk rawk to mock it yet") the overwhelming majority favored the fat. Sure, we had our work cut out for us most of the time as some either didn't get the gimmick ("Why do the songs sound different?") or couldn't believe we'd do it. I mean, let's face it: Large, fat, shirtless, white guys in wigs and makeup playing aggressive punk typically doesn't lend itself to credibility. But, again, somehow it all worked out beyond any notions we'd had.

Thanks for the shows, thanks for the cheering and participation, thanks for the comments and the merch sales(!), and thanks for the fun. Remember, if you enjoyed us half as much as we enjoyed performing for you, then we enjoyed it twice as much as you.

(Final show pix in a Flickr set here, btw.)

Ash St., Oct. 24th 2008 w/ Michale Graves

2008-10-27T11:59:00.001-07:00

Noland_&_Graves
Originally uploaded by ScrumpyFU

Thanks again to all who came out to support this show! We hadn't been able to play together for 5 long months so we were all a bit apprehensive about our opening slot. I listened non-stop to a playlist of our setlist selection and I think the other fellas did, too - we just must have clicked in on that same wavelength, not wanting a repeat of our Slabtown show (where we hadn't practiced in 6 weeks and stunk to high heaven).

We got to soundcheck and that, to our mutual surprise, felt pretty good. We got ready per our usual routine (with some very dried-out makeup!) and Heather at Ash St. dimmed the lights and started up the warning siren. As soon as we launched into 20 Pies I knew we were gonna be alright and that my voice was gonna hold. We jawed with the crowd, had another crimson ghost appearance, and cut it off at :30 minutes. Oh and Baloney got one of those roses that those quiet, pushy salesmen seem to always come around with to local bars on weekend nights. That provided great joviality for which I'll promptly be sent to Hell for when I die.

Adrien H was on next, described as "dark acoustic." Basically, it was the eponymous character and his keyboard and then a drummer for accompaniment. It was dark and moody but seemed very contrary to the very non-acoustic energy we started off the evening with. Oh well.

I'd talked with Michale and JV prior to the show and Michale confirmed that he was playing a :90 minute, 27-song set. I think he's got one of the best voices in rawk today and is a great lyricist but I had my doubts as to being engaging for that long with just an acoustic guitar. I'm pleased to report that I was very wrong to doubt!

He played a great variety of his songs, from his time with the Misfits to his solo work (Web of Dharma, etc.) to his collaboration with Damien Echols (Illusions is the name of that album) to entirely new creations from some time overseas this past summer. J.V. joined him for several songs but, primarily, Michale was on his own and was just fantastic. Very laid-back but a good amount of passion behind what he was doing I think everyone in attendance keyed in and appreciated it.

He was touring in part support for the Free the West Memphis 3 fund who had setup a donation jar and such at the merch table that night. It's a compelling case and Graves is a bit of a champion for the cause.

Michale stuck around after and autographed and stayed for pix. He also asked folks to contribute to the WM3 fund, even putting the take of the door we gave him to that. Say what you will about the guy, his heart's in the right place and he's a damn fine entertainer.

Another final-show flyer

2008-10-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of the fine folks at Plan B:

SEE YOU THERE - IF YOU DARE!!!

The end of days...

2008-10-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

Since all good things must come to some kind of end we figured to put to bed our constant grotesque companion of the past night unto 5 years.

Friday, Oct. 24th
Ash St. Saloon (SW 2nd & Ash, I believe)
opening* for Michale Graves' acoustic set
$7
*This means we go on 2nd, have a short set, and then you have to sit through someone else before and after. HOWEVER, this show is a "Can Food Drive for Portland Rescue Mission. For every Can of Food you bring, you will receive a raffle ticket for prizes given away during the show from local shops and businesses."

Sat., Nov. 1st
Plan B (SE 8th & Main)
w/ the Punk Group and the Kenny Rogers Experience*
*This means we're headlining. That means there's more of a mess to be made of things and, therefore, will be much more of an engaging, enjoyable experience for you all.

See you somewhere, hopefully soon!

Oct. 24th show - more than meets the eyesore

2008-09-29T15:33:00.000-07:00

From the Ash St. website:

This is a Can Food Drive for Portland Rescue Mission. For every Can of Food you bring, you will receive a raffle ticket for prizes given away during the show from local shops and businesses. Tis the season, help us help those less fortunate.

Now this is dedication, people

2008-09-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of a fan on myspace:

Get that fan some free fan-schwag!

Tentative show updates!

2008-08-27T08:34:00.001-07:00

Yes, it's true - we actually potentially have a couple shows lined up for the Fall!

Both are in October (if they both happen), toward the end of the month.

Fri., Oct. 24th
Ash St. Saloon
w/ Michale Graves (solo-acoustic set)

Sat., Nov. 1st
Plan B
Halloween Extender Weekender!
w/ The Kenny Rogers Experience

See you all in October (maybe for the last time for a loooooong time)!

Slow On the Uptake

2008-06-17T10:28:00.000-07:00

I figured I should try for some consistency in life here and update this with a report from our show at Slabtown last month. I've put it off, though, mainly due to the fact that, boy, did we ever suck...

Being that the show came up just after a holiday weekend we weren't able to schedule a practice closer to the show date. "So," we figured, "we'll just go ahead and play anyway. We've been playing these songs for a number of years and should be fine," our thinking went. Let's just say, after our performance that fateful Wednesday, we're never doing that again. We just felt flat, I felt like I had zero energy, and while the other fellas acquitted themselves well I just blew.

Two things, though, might have been working against us. One was that we went on after The Crimson Ghosts. Now, these guys brought it 100%, playing surf guitar style covers of Misfits tunes, often then joining the crowd in singing along sans mics, and having a ball. They were just plain great and I never realized how upbeat many of the Misfits songs were, when played in that style. Nice guys that truly entertained, I have nothing but good things to say about them. But I think the crowd had sated their Misfits hunger so, when we got up, we're doing many of the same songs they just heard and sang along to and enjoyed by another band. So what were we doing there?

That, at least, seemed to be the attitude. The crowd seemed more "typical Portland" in that they stayed back away from the stage, attentive but with arms crossed and feet firmly planted. After the first couple songs you could've heard crickets, it was that quiet. Now, that happened in Chico in April, too; but a couple songs later and the crowd went nuts. I think we stunned them in more ways that one and they just weren't ready for us to bring it like we did. That wasn't so much the case at Slabtown that night, not by a longshot. Granted, it's not entirely the crowd's fault as I wasn't doing very well and that's going to have some sort of impact. But I did get to the point where I was basically having to heckle myself, just to get some kind of response at all. But not being able to rely on *any* energy from the crowd I just wore out that much more quickly.

Thankfully, there were some high points, too. Long-time fan Zola showed up with his crimson ghost costume and, during our next-to-last song, came out on stage in said costume. Baloney had brought, I think, 10 lbs of salt water taffy. The ghost ended up "distributing" that all over us, the stage, the show floor, the audience, and the bar, I think, by the end. But people seemed to respond well to that and it was pretty fun - necessary at that point, really.

The other "high point" came when Baloney thought it'd be a good idea to, during our 'breakdown' in between our last songs, chug a 2-liter of Hawaiian Punch soda. Somehow he managed to do that but, also, to then throw up both outside and all over the trough urinal inside as well. "I made all the ice in there red!" he proudly proclaimed later. And, surprisingly, the audience called for an encore as we cut our set short since I was dying up there. We weren't sure, tho', if we were actually going to be able to deliver on that as Baloney had run off to think about his mistakes. But, champion that he is, he came back and we wowed 'em all with, "Pabstdrinkers."

Sloppy and outta breath, I think I my performance for once fully matched my look. I apologize if you didn't enjoy us that night. Really, we're not that bad - really!

Standing down...

2008-06-09T20:59:00.001-07:00

Okay so the rumors of our impending collective end are a wee bit exaggerated. So are the lineups from 2 shows this week that had us on the bill.

The Misfats will not be playing this Thursday at Plan B, opening for The Murder Junkies. This came about due to last-minute scheduling conflicts and couldn't be avoided, for the sake of sanity.

The Misfats will also not be on the bill opening for MDC in Everett, WA, this Saturday. This was due to several factors, not the least of which was the cost of gas, the fact that this was a free-admission show (so no hope of any payment to us), and the fact that we would stick out there like an actual plus-size woman on America's Next Top Bulimic Idiot. While part of me does get a perverse thrill outta pissing off krusty punks I'd rather not have to drive 400 miles r/t with gas over $4 a gallon to do so.

We'll setup a proper send-off show for later and let everybody know in plenty of time. Don't you worry yer fat lil' heads over that.

Show tonight!

2008-05-28T09:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, fat-fiends and fat kids, the Misfats are indeed playing tonight in dowtown Portland. We're playing with the surf-tabulous Crimson Ghosts, to boot!

Crimson Ghosts w/ the Misfats, Muddy River Nightmare Band, Eat Your Heart Out
@ Slabtown
1033 NW 16th
Portland, OR 97209
"9 PM"
$5

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Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

Just so you have 'em

2008-04-24T12:55:00.001-07:00

Even MORE pix from the show in Chico.

Enjoy!

2008-04-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

On stage at Johnny B's:

And off-stage at Johnny B's:

But Baloney would pay the price for such rage as his car decided to blow a tire on the way down to Chico; thankfully, the Stay Tuned lads were there to assist:

Monstro's, in Chico; thanks again to the Pyrate Punx:

And the lineup...

Season of the Witch; we really need to hit them up for makeup tips:

Some bands tour; we consume!

We even had someone who knew pho-to-graphy at the show. The official review is here but, more importantly, here are the fancy piccies:

And my new fave pic of us:

THANK YOU GOODNIGHT!

Ah, the road...

2008-04-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

This past weekend found The Misfats back on the road. Since we have day jobs and don't have delusions of grandeur a tour for us consists of 1- to 2-day shots within driving distance, typically. And so there we were Friday, making our way down to Medford, OR, for a show at Johnny B's. Joining us on our southern sojourn were Stay Tuned who had to break in a friend/drummer in about 24 hours for the show (seriously).

While the weather was to have changed in our hometown of Portland anyway it was much more noticeable when we arrived 4+ hours south of there. Mid-80s dominated the weekend until we did our "time travel" back to Spring proper in the Pacific NW when we arrived home late Sunday.

Most of us had never been to Medford previously, tho' we had been through it a number of times. It's a small city so the venue we played at was pretty laid back and welcoming. At least, as welcoming as 30-40 people could be. It was heartening to see the folks there calling their friends, asking/telling them to get down to the show. We hooked up with Power of County as they were on tour through the area at the same time as well. They kicked off the night nicely altho' a few folks commented to me on the "odd" lineup (country-TV show rawk-punk). Funny enough, to me anyway, that lineup isn't odd at all...

Stay Tuned were next up and were fairly well received. They'd been on tour down this way last Fall and were a bit nervous about places receiving them well. After hearing a couple of their stories I could understand why (Note to any bands: If a place asks you to bring your own PA, skip that show altogether - it won't be worth it). But we had a good time hearing them again as it was the first time we'd played together in well over a year.

We commandeered the women's restroom as it was A: larger; B: had more mirrors/counters and; C: was closest to the stage, for our pre-show prep. One gal was very unhappy about that but we gleefully made our way to the stage, eager to play again after a hiatus of a couple months. We also were breaking out a couple new songs for the tour as well: Gas Comes Ripping and our version of Come Back.

Many of the folks that were there now crowded up to the stage to let their appreciation be known. One audience member appeared out of nowhere to frequently admonish us to, in his words, "Play some shit!" I offered that we played like shit and asked if that was close enough. He further motivated us to "play [his] jam, man!" I countered with, "As in peanut butter and jam? I like peanut butter and jam." And so forth. But he was definitely spirited and apparently only mildly annoying to the folks standing near him. The rest of the audience seemed to have a good time regardless, listening in for the altered lyrics and singing along to both the original lyrics as well as our ours. The people there were all very friendly and supportive even if the crowd number wasn't what we'd expected/hoped. It was still a good time, tho'.

Day Two and we were on our way to Chico, CA, to play at Monstro's Pizza. On the way down, just outside Yreka, the car with the trailer decided to throw some tread off of one of its tires. That meant Baloney and C.H.O.A.D.E. had to bide their time while Les Schwab got it fixed/replaced and got them on the road. Lousy. Foil and I were in a separate vehicle and were ahead of them when we got the call. The fellas from Stay Tuned were able to stop and lend them a hand, tho', so all was well.

When we arrived later that night at Monstro's, I wasn't quite sure what to think. A small place, nestled into a domestic neighborhood, in between a couple of apartment buildings. I was thinking maybe we'd made the long drive in vain. However, as I was chowing on some free pizza, Phil from Stay Tuned accidentally knocked the plate so it all dumped onto my chest. That had me laughing and instantly my mood improved.

Now, I feel bad 'cuz I can't exactly remember the name of the opening band that night but they'd only been together a month and just had that noisy energy and enthusiasm that overrides most anything else. It was pretty heart-warming, actually, and seemed to be pretty well received. They went on early (8pm-ish) since the show had to be done by midnight and there were 4 bands. But people began showing up for them and sticking around through the rest of the night. Stay Tuned came up next and had some issues with the PA monitors but got through it eventually. I helped out on vocals for The Jeffersons, too. That was a good time and it's always interesting to see how they'll go down with a punk crowd that probably was born after the majority of the theme songs they're covering were written.

They'd also worked out an arrangement of the Misfits' tune She, following along the lines of the original 7" version of that song, with Danzig on keyboards and no guitar. I sang it with them and they set it to Michael Jackson's Beat It, the resulting tune thus called She-It. I don't know if any recordings survived that night so it might've been a once-in-a-lifetime sorta thing. I enjoyed myself, anyway.

We again commandeered the joint's sole bathroom, right behind the stage area, for our prep time. Someone kept banging on the door but, as soon as we opened it, were very apologetic. You just gotta laugh and they eventually did as well. We went through an abbreviated version of the previous night's set list as we only had about :30 minutes. Now, I noticed, the place was fairly well packed as it seems many more folks came out to see us. So we let 'em have it, tearing into 20 Pies like no tomorrow. At the end of the song, tho', it was just quiet - no applause, no cheering, not much of anything. We were all worried for the briefest of moments but plowed ahead, determined to bring the goods. It was after the third or fourth song when the audience was then into it, sorta all-at-once, like, as one person later described it, "a hurricane just dropping into the place." That was freakin' awesome and it stayed that way through the remainder of the set and even after as folks sought pictures and autographs. What started off as questionable become severely likeable, with good fans, good folks running the place, and great folks running the show itself (part of the PyratePunx network).

I'm sure photos are to come so watch this space for more of that, too. Just wanted to give a big Misfats THANKS! to Carlos and the Chico chapter of Pyrate Punx for putting on a great show and helping us all have a good, safe time.

Misfats Spring Tour '08

2008-03-27T13:04:00.001-07:00

It's coming time for our annual outing wherein we descend upon some hapless locals many miles from our locals. This year, Southern Oregon and Northern California, it's your turn!

Yes, the Misfats are hitting the road for a whole 2-night tour! Huzzah! And, to show what nice guys we are, we're bringing the other best band in the NW, the mighty Stay Tuned! If you're within 5k miles of this tour you ain't gonna wanna miss out!

Friday, Apr. 11th, finds us at Johnny B's in Medford, OR.

Saturday, Apr. 12th, finds us at Monstro's Pizza in Chico, CA.

Come, see, and behold the feast of rawk.

Free show in June

2008-03-24T15:16:00.001-07:00

mdc show flyer
Originally uploaded by ScrumpyFU

If you're in the Seattle-ish area you might wanna check out our next show up that way.

I have no idea how we ever land gigs. I really don't.

Plan B - more like Plan A! Wait...

2008-01-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

Our new fave lil' area watering hole, Plan B, decided to put on a show. So we signed on with our buddies Shock Troops to play a Saturday night there. We honestly weren't expecting much, given that while we love the place it's pretty much empty most of the times we've been in there. But we like the owners and what they're trying to do so we thought we could support 'em. Turns out, so do many other people.

A little history's in order first, tho'. When I first found this place it was the White Eagle or White Horse or White Fish or something. Nice, quiet little neighborhood bar but the only place on the freakin' West Coast that served a real pork tenderloin sandwich. (If you're from, say, Missouri or Iowa, you know that this is and how glorious it can be.) They closed down/got bought out and Acme took its place. The smartest thing these owners did was to take over the parking lot and convert it into a massive outdoor seating and entertainment area. That really caused the place to take off. However, apart from moving the bar inconveniently into a perpendicular stance, they neglected the interior. With some ecletic drinks and horrid music selection it soon became a hipster haven, slow service notwithstanding. But that, too, just didn't last, and so entered Plan B last summer. After some extensive reworking inside (putting the bar back along the main wall, where it belonged) they opened as the local punk rock bar. Neato. But, boy, the hipsters sure didn't appreciate it. We were seated outside one fine September afternoon and a large group of giggling hipster mall chicks came in and took over a large center table. They looked at the menus in quizzical disgust - where was the paella or pesto-soaked whatever? What's a pepper-bacon-wrapped deep fried kosher dog? Do they really mean Cup O' Noodles on here? - and no one coming to help them they left after about 3 minutes. It was beautiful, a nice "cleansing image to the place.

Since patio weather's been on the outs here in Portland for a while, tho', the focus has shifted indoors and, typically, there's not many folks there - on weeknights. We didn't make it over for weekend fare but saw that they had bands periodically play, mostly metal and punk acts. Our guitarist Foil relocated and ended up a scant few blocks from the place so we started hanging there more and, inevitably, the proposal of playing there presented itself. We thought of it more perhaps as a charity opportunity, to support this business we enjoyed, to give it a fighting chance or something. Magnanimous of us, no?

Well, call us chagrined because the turnout to the show this past Saturday was downright astonishing. No stage, no storage area for gear, everybody pressed right in on top of everything - it's a fine combination for a night of loud, messy punk. We had at least 120 paying audience members (capacity there's rated at 140 or so) and you knew it - they were right up there with the bands. We like having that kind of instantaneous response, that instant energy/feedback. It just makes the shows that much more, ya' know?

Sure, there were no monitors and I couldn't hear myself so I sang so loud I don't have much of a voice here 3 days afterward. But so what? It was a blast. Shock Troops hit into their set and the response was great from the get-go. So much so that two particularly raucous attendees decided to start a fight and crash into Choad's drum kit, reducing among other things his stool to a 3-leg affair. They had a bit of a pit going on and that continued on during our set as well. I kept having to push folks about, just to keep them from crashing into the equipment. That was a new one for me but definitely welcome. Fighting a cold, I could then relinquish some control of the mic to up-front folks to share vocal duties. Granted, they usually just sang the original lyrics but I wasn't too concerned. It was too fun. The crowd numbers and response and support just blew us all away. We need to play there again, no question.

We're going a bit quiet for the next month or so, looking forward to probably a return in April. Stay watchful and stay fat!

Show this Saturday!

2008-01-09T10:58:00.001-08:00

Misfats and Shock Troops
Sat., Jan. 12th
10pm
$3
Plan B
1305 SE 8th St Portland, OR 97214

Yep, it's a bar but it's non-smoking. Only two bands so we'll probably go on around 11:30pm that night.

See you there!

Ash St. - 12.29.07

2008-01-02T10:16:00.000-08:00

It's always a good time for us at the Ash St. Saloon. This night, tho', we got blown off stage by one of the openers - joyously so.

Sunken Chest got the crowd started off right, pulling in those folks milling about with generic interest and getting 'em involved in the show proper. How can you not like a pirate band that covers "Breakin' the Law?"
Next up was Fist of Dishonor. Can't say enough good things about this band or their show. Amazingly entertaining, diverse, engaging, and captivating. The place was suddenly packed as soon as they began their set with two members up in the soundbooth area, casting a narrative spell over the crowd. We hadn't been able to backline due to the fact that these guys had laid down workout mats all over the stage and, soon into their set, we saw why. Martial arts, fire, acrobatics with a chick shooting a bow & arrow with her feet(!), choreographed fight scenes, and a bamboo pan flute w/ kazoo all combined in proper ninja rawk. We're definitely playing with these folks again. Oh, and they're all incredibly nice and self-deprecating, too, just like their rawk gods, The Misfats. HA!
Shock Troops kicked that energy into high gear, blasting through their Cock Sparrer tribute set and rarely letting off the gas. They had a great pit of fans going that was invaded by a couple drunk steakheads who just wanted to thrash about. They didn't last long against the true of heart, tho', thankfully.
So we took to the stage last and had a very respectable amount of audience remaining - hurray! That's kinda unusual for us when we "headline." And thanks to that crowd for being so into the show and yelling back alot and providing us all with some great energy. We - being fat and lazy - need all the energy we can steal/get.

It always amazes me that we rarely seem to have very many repeat fans in our audiences. Sure, there're some folks that come out to our shows often enough and they're a welcome sight. But it's the new faces, the people who haven't heard of us, locals who don't realize that we, too, are local. I know some local rags here in town don't much care for us but the ads are still out there, someplace, ya' know? Not that I'm knockin' folks - not at all! It's just refreshing to pretty much count on always having new faces out there to laugh at/with/near.

Thanks again to Heather and the Ash St. and everybody's support last Saturday!

New Year's Eve showtime

2008-01-02T09:38:00.001-08:00

Thanks again A TON to the jubilant, helpful, supportive, wondrous staff and management at The Matador for having us - and for the majority of folks for sticking around to help us welcome in the New Year.

Crowded, sticky, smoky, drunk, and a helluva lotta fun. Just what NYE should be.

Here's some piccies:

New Year's Eve with The Misfats

2007-12-31T09:21:00.000-08:00

Where: The Matador, 1967 W. Burnside St., Portland

When: We start at 11:30pm and play for a good hour; they just wanna make sure we ring in the new year. Which we will. Most fat-ly.

Cost: Your stomach or your head or your soul, the next day...

See you there!

And another show!

2007-12-27T09:13:00.001-08:00

Also, hopefully, we have a show at The Matador on New Year's Eve!

Yep, The Matador, 1967 W. Burnside. Go figure.

Just us, welcoming in the New Year, all jiggly/all guts/all fun.

It'll fill up early if it happens, fo' sho'.

See you fat-fiends there!

Upcoming show alert!

2007-11-26T12:55:00.000-08:00

Planning on having the post-Christmas blues? Then shove THIS in your stocking!

Sat Dec 29th
Ash St Saloon
$6 cover
Music at 9:00pm
The Misfats
Shock Troops - Cocksparrer Tribute band
Fist of Dishonor - Ninja Rock band
Sunken Chest - Portland's Loudest Pirate Rock band

That's the current lineup, anyway. Should be a veritable "hoot!"

Ash St., Halloween 2007

2007-10-31T14:42:00.000-07:00

Ah, where to begin discussing our return to the stage after six long months without?
Let's just say we practiced twice, have no merch, and had a great time, as usual.

Lots of people turned out in costume for this Sat. show. Our favorites were the street basketball team that kept running into the traffic outside to get in some quality hoops (but, you know, minus the hoops).

We played 2nd on the four-band bill and that's our sweet spot. We're not too tired and folks typically get drawn in by the first band, stay for the 2nd and (hopefully!) 3rd band, then start to trickle out for the 4th. That's the pattern we witnessed at this show, too.

Sunken Chest kicked things off in their rawkin', naughty-cal way, then we got up there. Choosing not to make set lists prior to taking the stage ("choosing" - riiiiight) we played it a bit by ear but felt pretty good about it all. I could tell midway through Diet Diet My Darling that my voice was in good form - something I'd been paranoid about during our previous two practices. I also remembered what Dr CHOAD told me, too: "Lousy practice, great show; great practice, lousy show." Amen to that.

Baloney had his share of candy to throw out, as did CHOAD, who scored a direct hit on the USS Hamzinger with a Ding Dong squarely placed amidships. I only got hit with three others that night so it's good we stick to the softer goodies. The crowd was a fun mix and really seemed to both get into us and to get us. That's nice when that happens, lemme tell ya'. They were even as outraged as us when I announced that, for some inexplicable reason, The Misfats would not be opening for Danzig when he comes through PDX this Sunday. I could give 'em all a hug for that response, really I could.

The rest of the set was fun and longer than we'd anticipated. We really did sound like we hadn't taken any time off, too, and that felt pretty darn good as well. The "Nikki Sixx" from Same Old Situation later told me that he was at the bar, in the far rear of the club, and people were singing along to us even there. Heck, I'm even using the photos on this post from a friend who I'll now call a fan. Everyone seemed to be into both us and having a good time. I ended the set feigning a heart attack (and getting out of the crowd's way to witness CHOAD) but didn't go completely down. An older audience member later scolded me, saying I should have, that they had placed bets on which one of us would drop. I let her know, "Hey, once my tonnage goes down it's damn hard to get it back up again, ya' know?" But it seems like a good idea for the future. Hmmm...
Motley Crue tribute act Same Old Situation followed, nailing their impersonations to a capital "T". Motorbreath followed, sticking primarily to the first four Metallica albums, much to the larger crowd's chagrin. When they launched into Battery, tho', CHOAD and I were right there, punching that one in. Good guys who will not have their enthusiasm drowned out by anything - always a good show with Motorbreath on board, lemme tell ya'.

So, all in all, a good night for a return show. Thanks again to everyone that came or stuck around for us.

(Pix courtesy of The Mighty Cesar)

Showtime!

2007-10-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

Just gotta love this pic - from the City Island, NY, show, in June 2006.

See you all this Saturday!

MISFATS TRIUMPHANT RETURN! MISFATS TRIUMPHANT RETURN!

2007-10-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

That's right, folks - our now-annual Halloween show is taking place on Saturday, Oct. 27th, in lovely downton Portland, at the Ash St. Saloon.

The lineup's changed quite a bit since first we signed on but, at last look, it was listed as such:

Sat Oct 27th
$6
Music at 9:15pm
Monster Mash-Bash ~ Come as your Favorite Monster
Motorbreath - Metallica Tribute Band
Same Ol' Situation - Motely Crue Tribute Band
The Misfats - Misfits Tribute band
Sunken Chest - Pirate Cover Band

That is one heckuva lineup, fatfiends! Come on out and see how rusty we are! See our snobby asses get handed to us when we play our first show since 2007 SxSw! Weep with joy, reek of booze, and revel in our Legacy of Obesity!

Hiatus

2007-06-25T20:06:00.000-07:00

Noun, to take a well-deserved break so we don't burn out on this and so we don't burn YOU out on this, either.

Look for the 'fats to return Sept. or Oct., 2007.

More info will be posted here when we gots it. Meanwhile, get out and support the bejeebus outta local bands.

See us in all our interviewin' glory...

2007-03-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

I just did this interview recently. Enjoy!

More proof

2007-03-26T17:06:00.000-07:00

that we really were at SXSW!

One attendee took short clips of many of the bands he saw; the compiled video - featuring us about 2/3 of the way through - is available here.

A Canadian attendee reported on it in their local paper, nicely for us as well. Houston was in attendance, too, and gives an unique perspective here. Note who's piccy is featured in both articles?

And here was Portland's own The Mercury's take on it all. Just draw your attention to that last line and you'll know what it's like to be a non-emo or pop or post-punk band in PDX.

Yes, the Misfats did indeed play SXSW 2007

2007-03-26T16:31:00.000-07:00

Only now am I just recovering, I think. That's alotta walking and standing for large folks, to be sure, but very much well worth it. We arrived in Austin on Friday afternoon. After some hotel hassle and logistics wrangling we headed down to the convention center and retrieved our wristbands and badge. These magical items were our wampum for playing on Sunday night and they allowed us entry pretty freely the nights' prior.

After drinking much, eating more, seeing many, many bands, and being brought low by the rapturous frozen blended joy known as "Purple" (from the messican joint next door to our hotel) we were finally ready for our time in the sun. Sunday night only featured, like, three locations for music so it was a nice, easy day - altho' Emo's did have another stage in their main bar area going on most of the night as well. I think I saw many people retreat there after peeking in on us, to be certain.

But at least Emo's carried Sparks so we were well set. It's a fantastic place, for those that haven't been or played, btw. The green room is in a sorta quonset hut on the top of the place and you take some rickety, narrow stairs to access it. While you're doing that, though, the stage folks are soundchecking your gear - yes, you heard it correctly. That was a nice new thing for us, fo' sho'. We'd brought guitars and cymbals and the stage manager (I think?) got us a backline of gear from one of the earlier acts of the night to use for our own flatulent purposes. That, too, was pretty sweet.

After a "confrontational" opening punk act that was pretty fun, there was Big Balls, a Bon Scott-era AC/DC tribute. I gotta say, their lead singer had some serious pipes and did a spot-on sound, even tho' the local freebie rag wouldn't publish the word "balls" in its entirety in the ad for the show. The Jazzus Lizard was up next, performing jazz covers of Jesus Lizard songs. A few folks hung around but not many; altho', to be fair, folks just moved from one section of the bar to the other during acts they didn't "get" or care much for (perspective is everything, innit?). The Suffragettes were up next, a stellar, spot-on Bowie tribute covering "Spiders From Mars" in its entirety. This was only their second show but you'd never know it as they were a great lead-in for us and provided alot of positive energy for the crowd to feed upon.

We got to the stage at about 12:45am and proceeded to tear into things proper. Maybe it was the stature of the event or the amount of Sparks we'd consumed but we all seemed pretty stoked AND virulent in our trash-talking. Normally, there's a fair amount of conversation I'll generate but it's usually just me, not everyone in the freakin' band. That, too, was a nice change. Here are some highlights of our set:

Foil launching into his big guitar solo out over the crowd, just going for it balls-out, only to discover he'd accidentally unplugged his guitar in stepping out there
Our two Ding Dong eating contestants who failed to grasp the concept that this was an eating contest and proceeded to throw said Ding Dongs out into the crowd
Said female contestant flash titties and nearly raping Jerry Baloney
Another female flashing us titty and only I see it
Female contestant trying to jump up on me only to rip my shoulder to shreds with her rings and such
A fan showing up in fantastic skullface makeup
A drunk, fun-loving, loyal crowd sticking around on a Sunday night until 2am

Would we do it again? Absolutely! Everyone treated us pretty well, we made some good connections with BloodHag and Jello Biafra again, and had a great time all around. Maybe we'll pull this thing out, dust it off, and repeat next year? Who knows. As for this present time, tho', let the pictures tell the remainder of the tale...

Us on stage, walkin' like we're talkin':

I love this guy's reaction to our patented "BackFat"(tm):
Us with the Emo's sign in the background to prove it (note, too, Skullface Fan front & center):
Again, gotta love the varied crowd reactions to us taking to the stage:
An artsy interpretation of the 'fats:

See? We really were at Emo's:

SxSw - update!

2007-02-14T09:19:00.000-08:00

In case you didn't know, we're playing the mighty SxSw this year (don't ask me how/why, okay? 'cuz I just don't know). They recently posted the list of bands playing there in support of The Misfats, too. Check it out here. Hopefully, soon, they'll post the venues and lineups. Just an FYI, we're playing the main stage at Emo's on Sunday, 18 March.

Digg this!

Just glad to be here...

2007-02-09T14:32:00.000-08:00

This past Wednesday witnessed two great events in a single night: the return of Darkbuster to the comfy confines of PDX and the resurrection of iknowkungfu. Red Flag Warning filled in 'round the edges nicely with splendidly noisy punk, too. Oh, the 'fats played last but, by then, we'd had our fun of the night. We were more like the buddy that drives your car home 'cuz you had too much fun (you hearin' me, Craft?).

In I think Year 2000 'fu played with Darkbuster in Vancouver, WA, in a place that had to be closed for good afterward (I'm not kidding). We had a fabulously drunk evening and remember it fondly. DB went on their way and on to hiatus; 'fu, also, went on their way and on to hiatus (for all intents and purposes). Then, about 15 months ago, DB came through our neck of the woods again, this time in support of the Dropkicks (and Gang Green!). This encounter led to the 'fats crashing into their hometown of Boston (rough night) and playing in Providence, RI, with them, building yet another show of fantastic memory and proportions. We just all seem to jell exceedingly well - must be the booze talkin'.

So pleased were we to have DB come out our way yet again that iknowkungfu decided to reform and join in the festivities with the 'fats. The original show with them on a Friday got swapped out for a Wednesday night gig. Were we worried? Not in the slightest! Well, okay, maybe a little - we wanted this to be a great stop for them on their tour, to spread the infectious love of their music and live shows amongst our fellow natives. But after seeing the sheer number of friends, family, and fans come out and stay out and put it all out there on a school night - well, let's say our fears were obviously unjustified. You don't keep around bands as much fun as DB and 'fu without relying on their crowd-gathering, crowd-pleasing ability. (Sure the 'fats gather a crowd but it's like a group coming over for a look at the fat guy stuck in the booth at McDonald's.)

A new condition did arise, tho', upon arrival at the Ash St. Apparently Danny, DB's drummer, had some "boy-stuff issues" and had to go to the emergency room. Concern over his well being abounded as we sought out potential backup drummers ("Do you know what a drum kit is? No? Okay, get lost"). Thankfully he was alright and showed up a little later.

iknowkungfu started off the evening then and, Sweet Mother of All, were they loud. I don't remember 'em being this loud when I saw 'em so often previously. Maybe that's what a break does for you? In any case and inebriation aside, they brought it fast and furious and fun. DB's Lenny even got up to perform "Liquor" with them and it just felt right. Looking around the crowd, with them on stage, you did a little bit of the Time Warp to four or five years previous. Like old friends you haven't seen in a long time you just pick up immediately where you left off and it feels damn good.

After RFW finished DB got setup. It took 'em a little longer than usual due to the fact that their horn section had flown into town to join their tour that day. How cool is that? So, with sax & trombone ready at the wings, DB just tore into it and didn't relent. The crowd was very enthusiastic in all the ways you want 'em to be. It was nice to dust off the ol' dance moves, too, in only the way seeing DB in action can give you. The crowd called out for more and they gave us one additional; then Lenny apologized all over the place for "daring" to cut into the Misfats set time. He was, like, honestly concerned. And I just kept laughing at the notion. I think that's what makes us work together so well - just honest blokes with no egos getting to play music they love in front of folks that wanna hear it. Makes you feel good, too.

So, late in the day, the 'fats appear. We were pretty tired, for the most part, and it felt kinda laborious. I know my voice had had it for the night and that ain't good. I don't wanna disappoint but there's only so much you can muster when you're pretty drunk and obese, ya' know? Huh - we should write a song about it... All in all, we performed, not our best set but definitely well received by the many kind souls that stuck it out late on a Wednesday for us and the other bands.

Again, this is one of those shows we would've been at much less played it. It's an honor to share the stage with the likes of these bands, a great motivator, and just a freakin' blast to be had by all.

Now I already want DB to come back through so we can do it again. Oh, well.

The 'fats Who Came In From the Cold

2007-01-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

Great show last Saturday at the Ash Tray. I was a bit worried that the recent cold snap would keep folks off the streets and outta the clubs. I was certainly and gladfully wrong.

Getting to the place early soundgal-and-booker extraordinaire Heather laments that there's only one heater working in the place. Fantastic. Turns out, thanks to the populous crowd, that's actually a blessing for the evening.

The show starts about 9:40pm with Shock Troops, a local Cock Sparrer tribute band. Thankfully, I didn't have to keep spending my time telling people who Cock Sparrer were after these guys started in. I go back a ways with my appreciation of that band so I was one of the (I think) six others who could sing along, every line of every song they covered. They stuck pretty much to the album of the same name, "Shock Troops," plus a couple others thrown in for good measure (like "Because You're Young"). I think others in the audience who weren't as familiar with the original band still got into it, too, tho'. I mean, how could you not? Take a listen to "Take 'Em All" or "We're Comin' Back," drown a few beers, and it's easy to see its appeal.

Next up were Motorbreath. I (and several other 'fats) are particular about our Metallica, thinking that that band's true creativity died with Cliff. I think Motorbreath begrudgingly used a couple tracks off of the "black" album but, otherwise, stuck to the holy trinity of source material, "Kill 'Em All," "Ride the Lightning," and "Master of Puppets." And they freakin' nailed it, my friends. These are some highly talented shreddists tackling this stuff and they do it severe justice. We were very happy to have shared a stage with 'em and look forward to future opportunities. The cross-pollination of fans between us and them is pretty strong, too - a natural fit, if you will - and provides great entertainment for all sorts of fans. (There - my marketing pitch is now in place and DONE!)

The crowd usually seems to swell for the 2nd band and, in Motorbreath's case, deservedly and understandably so. However, as we hit the stage around 12:15am, the crowd was still pretty thick and into it. They had a pit going for just about our entire set which we haven't seen in a long time (first John Henry's show in Eugene, to be exact), and were pretty much unruly in a fun sense. One showgoer got a bit too full of himself, tho', and got posse-ejected out the side door. That was fun to watch. Oh and someone threw a glass tumbler at us which wasn't so cool - thankfully, my cat-like reflexes, earned at the hands of countless sifus over time and geography, prevented catastrophe. I can understand the impulse but come on - a heavy glass tumbler? Think about it, genius - If you intended harm, why'd you stay and throw that at the very end of our set? And if you were just drunk and having a good time, why waste your glass when the bar's about 10 steps away from you? Ah, the nature of playing last, playing late, and playing well.

Because we did play well, considering we hadn't played in about 9 weeks and only had a couple practices prior. "Pabstdrinkers" was dusted off ("Braineaters," if you're interested) and presented to an eager audience, even. And when 'fats fiend Flash tried to call it early we dragged him to the punishment seat at the front of the stage and played on him - not near him, not by him, but on him. I don't think he'll ever get the stank of Baloney's ass or my gut off of him. He's ruined forever now - precisely what he deserves for trying to leave our glorious light before we release him!

Next show is a weeknight affair, back at the Ash in downtown PDX, but very well worth it. Darkbuster returns and reunites with us after our summer success and local heroes iknowkungfu reformed just for this show. Joining us all for this mid-week massacre is The Binge, too. If you're in the area, make it to this 'cuz it's gonna be quite a show (and now add, in the creepy voice of the Men's Wearhouse owner) I guarantee it...

Last for the year 2006

2006-11-01T14:02:00.000-08:00

We trekked down to Eugene this past Friday and, for the first time, it wasn't raining on us at all. This was our 2nd trip down in as many months and both shows were equally attended, it seems. The crowd at each was enthusiastic, though, and that went a long way to make up for the ample room on the dance floor...

We played at John Henry's again which seems to be a 2nd home for us, now that we've played there 3x. PBArmy, Cap-Gun Suicide, and our fave Turbojugeund band Burt Reynolds Overdrive filled out the rest of the lineup this time 'round. The music was good but hardly anyone seemed to come out. But, again, the few that did were very enthusiastic about us and about the Halloween theme for the night. I'd say about 80% of the patrons were in costume. My fave was the Knight of PBR, impressively fashioning a well-made suit of "armor" out of PBR cases and cans. (Apparently, he's part of a whole crew of beer-themed knights - wish I could've seen 'em all!)

We went on around 12:30am and, thanks to pre-show drinks at Luckey's, a parking lot Sparks, 4 drink tickets a piece, and amicable bartending gals we were nice and well along by the time we got to the stage. I'm told by my bandmates that the mix was great but I couldn't hear a bloody thing - which is alright for me since then I'll sing harder and louder. I'm glad Foil, Baloney, and Dr C.H.O.A.D. could hear themselves and each other, tho'. A nice change from the week prior, fo' sho'. And, in another reversal, the crowd was throwing candy at us! In my between-song-banter, too, I remember looking down and seeing a sucker and a cigarette butt on the floor. I commanded Baloney, "Eat that cigarette butt, you fucking pig!" only to realize immediately and say out loud, "Wow - that's one of my bandmates and best friends and I just called him a fucking pig. Nice!" It was that kind of evening - dirty fun for the whole family. Capping the evening at the bar a very friendly fan told me all about her Irritable Bowel Syndrome. We must bring it outta folks, ya' know? I think that's what C.H.O.A.D. had on the way down to the show, too, thanks to a stop at the Smokin' Swine in Salem - pork fat rules! On that note, tho', we headed back to our dead-hooker hotel and crashed out thoroughly. A nice, easy, pleasant show all 'round.

A baker's dozen

2006-10-25T10:39:00.000-07:00

That's what our attendance was at our show last Friday at Outlaws.

Promotion had been fairly heavy for this club that we had yet to play. Normally a combination of country-western, boot-scootin' goodness and sad strip club with ridiculous (for Oregon, ruled as it is by the utterly fascistic OLCC) drink specials they've started doing "Tribute Band Fridays." Our friends from The Romanes and We Got the Meat played the Friday previous but we've no idea if they fared any better than us.

Large print and even, for a first for us, radio spots called out to the locals for attendance. Given when these ads ran I'd have to say the club paid a pretty penny or two on advertising. And yet, with all that as well as our enormous sexual appeal we had maybe 12 people in the audience, in addition to our co-conspirators for the night, Blondage. We even delayed starting to see if others would appear.

Don't get me wrong - I don't think this was the club's fault at all. They seriously promoted this show and were excellent to us all night long, even refusing to take their cut of the door. I think the real issue is with locals and their respective "spheres of comfort." The local rags didn't mention the show at all, as they so often do for so, so many local bands - they're too busy getting off with the likes of The Decemberists or Eliot Smith or freakin' Storm or some band that all the other publications are already freakin' covering. If you're a local, free newspaper, keeping your target demo abreast of what's going on, what's "hip & relevant" and such, wouldn't you think trying to find good, local musical talent would take priority over fellating bands that get tons of coverage anyway?

Add to that the fact that the hipster community seems resolute to not stray from the 3-block radius of downtown PDX and the clubs it offers and, well, it becomes true that the prophet is only without honor in his hometown, ya' know? It's not like we are a huge talent or think more highly of ourselves, either - we've just seen this time and again where bands that are supremely talented (e.g. The Odditors) and obscenely popular outside of the city (e.g. 800 Octane) get ZERO press and ZERO interest due to this combination of haughty ignorance and petty arrogance. It's just highly disheartening for a band like us - who just enjoy having a good time and like to have everyone at our shows do the same - to play underattended shows in our own backyard when, earlier in the year, we played to enthusiastic, overwhelming, packed crowds on the other side of the damn country.

Okay, now, stepping off the soapbox (for now), our set wasn't too shabby, I think. Although the other band members thought we sounded off I thought we were fairly tight. Plus, thanks to the Tower of Babel of drum risers, Baloney, Foil, and I had plenty of stage space to get our freak on. Dr C.H.O.A.D., high from his lofty perch, had zero mix to work off of, though, but, to his credit, soldiered on and kept the beats going. We still had fun and I kept the chatter rolling in between gasping for air and in between each song. It was a good place for a show that should be a packed room but maybe next time, ya' know?

This Friday, we return to Eugene and John Henry's to headline a sorta-Halloween show. We've been very well received each time we've played there thus far so let the pizza-slingin' goodness (at a place where they don't even sell the stuff) begin!

Are we the kiss of death?

2006-10-18T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to wonder...

First, we had our good friends Stay Tuned lose their drummer a little while back. Not an easy replacement under the best of circumstances but, for them, you gotta be an outstanding technical drummer and be able to do vocals AND be able to gush with enthusiasm at the unadulterated joy of ST's music.

Now, I see that Sex Pistols Experience are looking for a replacement Sid/Kid Vicious. Since we just played with them at the end of last month this comes a little too close to home, doesn't it?

We, of course, have no clue about these since everyone seemed happy enough when they played with us. Maybe they had no idea that our fatcore glee would spell the end?

Current mood is "creeped out."

Stu-stu-studio Seven and a return to Seattle

2006-10-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

(borrowed liberally from Foil's own blog...)

Friday night was the 'fats show at Studio Seven in lovely Seattle, WA.

We got up early to avoid the I-5 traffic (which was mostly successful) and checked into our motel which was about a half-mile or so from the gig. The gig was in industrial South Seattle (a bit south of the Safeco Field), so you can imagine that the neighborhood (and our motel) was pretty lively and colorful. The place seemed populated by johns, meth heads, and other petty criminal types, but they were all completely (h)armless.

We crashed out for a bit in our room then headed to the club about 6:00 and loaded in our gear. The club itself was really nice, in a divey kind of way. The building had seen much better days, but it was big, had a nice stage, a decent bar, a great sound system, and one of the larger backstage/green room areas we've ever encountered.

The two bands we didn't know, Shadowcard and Dissonance, were nowhere to be seen yet. However, out behind the club we noticed Mike's bass player JV, his guitar player Jason watching Mike and his drummer (and our old pal from our Hoboken show) Quincy on the ground rummaging around beneath their motorhome. We all said our hellos, and were asked by the guys if we had any new merch designs. We told them that we had a new print of the "chubby skull" Ts and they were quite stoked. JV even said, "Dude, I'll wear your entire line of clothing!"

Apparently, between SF and Portland, the tread came off a front tire, rupturing the septic tank (and spilling shit and piss all over the highway) as well as putting a small hole in the gas tank - not big enough to make travelling impossible, but enough to severly cramp their MPG as well as make them start seriously worrying about the whole thing going up in flames.

Mmmm...touring is fun.

Turnout was actually pretty decent - much better than the last couple of shows we've played with Mike and the guys - course, those were in Portland on a weeknight and very poorly promoted. That latter fact seems a bit endemic to PDX, our hometown - the perception is that the right people will just find out about the "good" shows by word-of-mouth or some such garbage. Not being quite the darlings of the hipster community some of the clubs in this town (and some of the weekly local rags) pander to, a great deal of enjoyable shows get underattended due to this arrogant ignorance. We respond well to crowds, like any band, but like to bring whatever we can to a show, blaming ourselves above all else if things go South; but especially for touring acts where this is all they do and then they get under-promoted because of they're not "cool enough" is just plain disgusting. (Removing the soapbox under me now in order to continue...)

We were lounged a bit then went on second, prolly around 9:15pm or so. Baloney and Foil, by their own admission, were woefully out of tune the entire set - but that's gonna happen. It happened all the time for the real Misfits as well. My frontman antics were on fire, though, and we won the crowd over after a few songs (and granted, going from an emo-prog opener to comedy-punk is bound to confuse an audience or two). I think once the shock wore off at this all-ages gig we were welcomed warmly. We even had a trio of guys drive up from freakin' Yelm(!) for the show. It was our now-favored "short 'n sweet" set, giving out a baker's dozen of songs in about :35 minutes. It seems to leave the best impression and my voice can hold stronger for that amount of time, it would appear. The folks working at Studio Seven were very appreciative, too, the board guy telling us afterward emphatically "When you come back here..." That always makes us feel good, too.

We were amply armed with a number of drink tickets which were used to quaff our thirst via Sparks and Red Stripe. Foil and I rapped with Quincy for awhile during this band's set. Quincy came out to see us when we played Hoboken (and bought a XXXL sized shirt). The dude is pretty hilarious, to boot. His tour stories and stories of Jersey had me rolling. He's an old friend of Michale's (they had a band together before Mike joined The Misfits), and after Michale fired his old drummer Quincy came on board. Good choice. Off stage, the dude is funny as hell, and on stage he brings a sense of humor and theatrics that really helps the set. His luchadore mask gets mad style points, too. He even said, "That's it - I'm moving to Portland and becoming your drummer!"

Speaking of the Graves' set - it was insanely good. This was, by far, the best set we've seen Graves and the guys play. First off, the setlist was spectacular. Over the last couple of years, Graves has been more and more vocal about his opinion of what his role in The Misfits legacy was and how he feels about the direction Jerry Only has taken the band. The first time we played with him, he did mostly originals and a small encore set of Misfits material from the "American Psycho" and "Famous Monsters" albums. The last time we played with him, it was about a 75%/25% split between Graves and Misfits material. This weekend, it was pretty much 50/50 including at least one song from the Danzig era. Further, his merch is embracing that period of his life. He was selling some old T-shirts from his 2000 tour fronting the Misfits, as well as his own "skeleton" T-shirt with "Michale Graves" also printed across it. I saw this as pretty much a direct "F You" to Only, since The Misfits sell the same shirt, only with "The Misfits" printed across it. And Michale also wore the same skullface makeup that he did in his stint with The Misfits (albeit covering only half his face this time).

And good for him. While we personally have no problems with Jerry Only's decisions (you just can't get mad at a guy for trying to make a living doing the only thing he knows how - if you don't wanna hear "Project 1950" then just won't buy it), we also completely understand why Graves would say something like "You know what? Screw you. I fronted this band for half a decade - about the same period of time as Danzig did. I wrote at least half of the material we released during that period. All of the best known songs from that era were ones I wrote. I also own a piece of this legacy. It's just as much mine as it is yours." Word.

The setlist echoed this newly-formed attitude, too: Some good old-school Misfits songs ("Halloween"), some Graves era Misfits songs ("Scream", "Hunting Humans", "Dig Up Her Bones" - a song that I still insist stands up with the best of the Danzig era stuff), a strong showing from the criminally underrated "Web of Dharma" album ("Casket", "1,000,000 Light Years From Her"), as well as some from the latest ("Punk Rock is Dead", "Beware"). Michale also wisely sidestepped the Gotham Road era. We even got some of the songs off of the impending new album, due out at the end of October.

The first couple of songs had a would-be heckler standing directly behind Foil and I yelling stupid hipster-ironic shit like "George Bush!" and "Bombs are cool!" between songs, showing that Seattle hipsters are not exactly good on keeping up on current events (Graves "conservative punk" past is largely that - a thing of the past. This tour, as evidenced by the "Free the West Memphis Three" shirt he wore on stage, as well as the books and pamphlets on his merch table concerning the case, is about raising awareness of the case as Damien Echols approaches his final appeal. The West Memphis Three case is hardly a conservative cause). The fact that he wasn't yelling it loud enough for the band to hear made it a futile gesture, anyway. However, after the third song in a row that he did it Foil leaned over to me and said "I'm gonna punch this guy in the face. You got my back?" I responded with, "No need - I'm waiting for him to go to the bathroom, then I'll slam his head into the wall." By that point, though the dude and his buddy were leaving the hall. Would I have really punched him? Yeah, I think I would have. And why, in God's name, would you spend $10 to see a guy you hate? Graves still got your money, dickwad. Zing!

That kinda crap annoys Foil and I to no end. The vast majority of the "Graves sucks!" crowd has never heard his solo stuff, has only a passing familiarity with his Misfits stuff, and really just knows that he penned a couple editorials for Conservative Punk and appeared on the Daily Show - three fucking years ago. I can guarantee they've never actually met the dude.

Anyway, after the show we had another beer or so and rapped with Michale and the guys for a bit. They told us that at just about every stop, someone asks them if they've heard of The Misfats. That's flattering as hell. Quincy said that we should be the poster boys of how MySpace can help promote your band (we've been getting approximately 30 to 75 friend requests per day for the last few weeks - it's been insane). Talks of another New Jersey show are underway (how soon that'll happen is anybody's guess, though - it's certainly not gonna happen this year), and Michale said to us "Anything I can do for you guys - you lemme know."

Anyway, we could care less if it's not cool or fashionable to like this guy's music. Seriously - couldn't give a shit. Last night, he fucking nailed it. More importantly, the guy has been cool as hell to us for going on three years now. That's enough for us.

Anyway, we returned to our motel room (cheap beer and hostess snacks in tow) and were advised by our meth head neighbor that "me and the old lady tend to make a lot of noise sometimes - just tellin' ya". Later on that evening, Foil witnessed a huge white cadillac driven by a sharply dressed African American gentleman drop off an extremely scantily clad woman to two men waiting in the parking lot. At that point, he figured he oughtta just go to bed and pray that nobody breaks into his car.

Nobody did.

Fantasy time

2006-09-28T09:17:00.000-07:00

A possibility in the future? We'll still have to have our lawyers fight out the copyright issues...

Makes me laugh, anyway...

Upcoming shows:

- Friday, Oct. 13th
w/ Michale Graves
$10 tix in advance from TicketsWest
Studio Seven
110 S Horton
Seattle, WA 98134

- possibly on Friday, Oct. 20th, in Portland; need to confirm with venue

- Friday, Oct. 27th
Halloween show!
Price and accompaniment TBD
John Henry's
77 W. Broadway
Eugene, OR
(541) 342-3358

Good to be back at it...

2006-09-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

Misfats at wow
Originally uploaded by ScrumpyFU.

Yes, youth of today, the Misfats are finally playing shows again after taking the summer off to bask in the glow of our own self-importance.

We had the pleasure to play with the Sex Pistols Experience, a fully-endorsed, full-blown cover act from Limeyland and well worth the price of admission. We travelled through the pouring rain on Wednesday to play with just them at the WOW Hall in Eugene. The geniuses at the Eugene Weakly listed the flyer with the date of the show as, "Thursday, Aug. 24th" - they didn't even get the day of the week right much less the actual date. I thought the SPE drummer was literally going to curbstomp somebody over that one...Perhaps the audience inclusion of Jerry Baloney's oh-so-proud parents prevented utter disaster? Only historians will be able to make the call.

Needless to say the show was a bit underattended considering the venue. I think we still had around 50 kind souls come out but, in a place like WOW, they get kinda lost to the space (as you can see in the picture). It was also either a "rough set" or "good practice" for us, being on the stage for the first time in over three months. The fans seemed to enjoy it which is a win for us at all-ages shows. Young readers, just be secure enough in your punk rawk to mock it, okay? Really, it's okay to do that - maybe even more punk! (Yeah, I played that card.)

Forced to play through our lovely bargain gear SPE didn't hold back and had a ball. Their lengthy set covers all the Pistols' hits plus the "unacknowledged" period minus Lydon - which SPE also mimicked nicely by having their Lydon leave and their Sid get up front and even more vocally aggressive. Their Steve Jones doesn't look much like the original but when you can play guitar like this guy can and be a realy nice bloke to boot it doesn't really matter, does it?

The next night brought us back home to Portland. SPE and local heroes The Romanes were all onboard for another Mike Thrasher Low Dough Show at Dante's. We've done well at the venue and in that event previously and Thursday night was no exception. Relatively well-attended and definitely well received we started off the night free of the mistakes and misfires of the previous night. And, as a bonus, they had - for us - a new sound guy who really knows what the heck he's doing. My vocals were low in the monitor, sure, but that ain't a bad thing - forces me to sing louder and keep up with the rest of the band for a change. But the crowd energy was HIGHLY enthusiastic and fun so we had a good (if short) set with it all.

I got accosted leaving the stage, too, which never happens. There was a line waiting for their turn - really! One gal had just moved here from NYC and was going to make her friends jealous letting 'em know she'd moved into our territory; another gal had found a Misfats t-shirt for her fella - at a local Goodwill. Good times, friendly folks, and pictures abounded. That really made this show feel like a proper homecoming, like arriving home after a long flight or driving that last couple miles home, you know?

The Romanes were as good as always and it was fun to play with them again. SPE came charging in again, tearing through their set, abusing the crowd, and have some fun even with having to play through our gear a 2nd night. They were a might confused, though, when - in true "Low Dough Show" fashion - everyone that had spent the first 2 hours pouring in now spent the next :30 min. pouring out of the place. SPE was taking it kinda personal which is understandable especially when faced with this type of confusing situation. Later, Sid was saying that, in England, people come late (ignoring the openers) for the headliner and stay all night and get more raucous toward the end, building to that. Considering they've played the 100 Club, Times Square, and a host of other shows with clearly credible bands at notable venues I had no case to doubt him and could better understand their confusion at our home town crowd. They didn't disappoint anyone who remained, though, and were/are well worth seeing if they cruise through your town.

Our next show is in about a month, on Friday the 13th, in Seattle. We'll be opening for the always-enthusiastic Michale Graves again and, after last night's show, we feel soooooo very ready to play with him another night that we're kinda excited. The week after that we're hopefully back in PDX; then, the next Friday, we return to Eugene, to John Henry's again, for a Halloween blowout that you won't wanna miss.

Thanks, again, to all the friends and fans that came out and cheered us on. That ain't lost on us at all and we sincerely thank you all for it!

Wednesday, 20 Sept., and Thursday, 21 Sept.

2006-09-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

Two shows in one week, first in Eugene then in Portland - what gives?

Also, if you are immoblized or drunkenly retarded and miss these great shows, October's filling up with lots of shows along the I-5 corridor nicely. Keep your fat lids propped up for those haps, teens, and you won't be disappointed.

The Returninging

2006-08-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

Oh, hi, teens! The Hamzinger here laying some show news on you. I know, I know - it's been awhile since we've graced our local Food Fiends Club (Sammich). Realize, tho', that your true rawk superiors, The Misfats, have been busy basking in the glory of a fabulous East Coast tour. Add the sweltering heat that's finally, thankfully, left us alone (it's God's making the portly suffer - with Nature!) and two wonderful brewfests catering to the engorgement process and you've got some busy, lazy mofos.

But we shall tarry no longer! Behold!:

Sept. 21st, Dante's - Low Dough Show (that means it's only $5!)
w/ The Sex Pistols Experience (apparently really from Engaland) and our good pals The Romanes

Sept. 30th, the Tonic Lounge - with Sons of Calculon!

Oct. 5th, potentially with 800 Octane and The Independents, in PDX

Oct. 6th, potentially in Salem with Sons of Calculon again!

Oct., Halloween, in Seattle, hopefully

Misfat-mania

2006-06-13T14:37:00.000-07:00

Jeez, louise...

Exhausted and exhilarated, the Misfats have accomplished some mighty works in the past few days, folks, so we're tired and thrilled and want to relay it all to you perfectly. So give us a bit to do that, huh?

For those out o' the loop, the Misfats departed the ample bosom of Portland, OR, for as-big-as-a-tour-gets-for-us travelouge on the east coast last Wednesday and returned this day's previous night (no thanks to United Airlines, btw). We flew into Boston, MA, spent the following day in its safe confines, then headed to Providence, RI, and the Living Room to partake of a Darkbuster-headlined show.

Enjoying and reveling in that chaos, we then hauled ass outta town to get to NYC proper. Or, at least, as proper as City Island lets you be. Dan from Crafty Records holds an annual multi-band BBQ at his place, in the backyard, so we crowded in there with many other folks for lots of memory-inducing pop-punk bands and then us. I'll just say that when you have people crowdsurfing at a backyard bbq on a Saturday afternoon you know you're doing something good. Also finally met Bill from The Shemps that day, the band we seem destined to never play with, no matter what we both try.

Heading into the city (our hotel was on the corner of E 27th & Madison) we then partook of its richness deeply and to the expense of our bowels. Thanks to Jed for helping lead the charge that night, too.

The next day was the Puerto Rican parade day but just north of us so we didn't get trapped by any of it. We did tool around a bit before finally heading over to Hoboken, to play at Maxwell's. Prior to that we'd been invited to another backyard BBQ, just with eating this time. Lots of friendly and enthusiastic folks out that way, too, just like our other stops, putting on a great spread for us and treating us all really, really well. The show was well attended, especially for a Sunday night, with Love Cinema vol. 6 being our direct opener. Enthusiasm was overwhelming yet again and it was the perfect way to end this Left Coast jaunt of ours.

More details will come later as we collectively flesh out each of these days and shows. Again, much, much, much thanks to all the patrons, fans, supporters, well-wishers, band members, and drunkards we came across and talked, laughed, ate, and drank with. You guys are alright, no matter what anyone out here might say. We're gonna be riding this high for quite some time...so we just want to say, "Thank you - good night!"

Ah, Ash St. be a lady - yarrr

2006-06-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

This past weekend found us yet again in the comfy confines of downtown hometown PDX and the Ash St. Saloon. We were bringing the combined tributaries of the Romanes and Blondage all together for the pleasantly successful "Return to CBGB's" bill. The same evening also happened to coincide with the start of the Rose Festival and the Starlight Parade (featuring the Hamzinger's gorgeous bride!) wherein the streets of the outlying trailer parks disgorge their inhabitants upon downtown. This makes for great people-watching and horrible traffic; add some rain to it all and the turnout for our show wasn't nearly as packed as we'd hoped - BUT it was still packed with quality, fo' sho'. We had to get downtown early enough to claim parking, too, which made for a long-ass day spent drinking quite a number of pints at the daylight-friendly new Thirsty Lion pub next door. Oh, and also, many thanks to part of our Sea-town fan-base finding their way down to, in the Cap'n's own words, "get his fix!" of us.

The Romanes kicked things off this time 'round (being the 3rd appearance of this wondrous lineup) and, let their rough beginning fuel their 3-chord mania through an intensive set. I think their Pinhead made a painful stage hop at the end of the set, tho', as he was nursing a very sore ankle; hopefully that was all it was and nothing worse.

Blondage was, as ever, out-freakin'-standing. Like the Romanes, too, they're just a nice group of people to hang around and wait for the show with. The Blondage set proved, I think, to be the most crowd-pleasing portion of the night, too. I think that comes with playing 2nd inherently or, at least, the opportunity to excel on the night does. People have actually made their way into the place by then and are drunk enough to enjoy/crowd to the front/dance. They always seem to hold back for the first band, and I'm furthering my highly-scientific analysis here by saying that they're most likely just not plain drunk enough yet to fully express themselves. The Blondage set was also well attended with probably the highest number of dancing female audience members I've ever seen at a show we've been associated with (we get some, believe me, but, well, you know...). Ash St. Sound Gal Heather responded with a strange PA mix of older dance songs that the audience members ate up, staying to dance until we hit about our first chord.

Taking an alphabetized approach to our set list, we kicked off with "288" and basically proceeded Sesame Street-style from there on out. We had a decent, enthusiastic crowd remaining, too, which always feels just plain great. I had a number of friends in attendance that hadn't either seen us at all previously or had but it had been awhile. That latter group could then shiver in wetness over our vastly-improved skills and show. No, really. I mean, it's us but, you know... We were pleased that we didn't just plain die on-stage physically. It also gave us some extra preparation and fundage for the upcoming East Coast touring. I'll try, faithful readers, to update this site with all of the goings-on for that series of three shows, once we return, triumphant and exhausted!

Show pix

2006-04-04T14:21:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Stay Tuned:

misfats_01

misfats_02

misfats_03

misfats_04

misfats_05

White hot loads scouring the very ground!

2006-04-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

HA!

The return of The Misfats to its hometown of PDX proper went as well as it should have. Here's proof:

- 4 bands on a Friday night in downtown Portland; we headlined, putting us up on stage around 1:15am. We still had a good-sized, loaded-leaning-to-wasted crowd, and a mosh pit through most songs (that's one more pit than the 3 other bands of the night combined!)

- 2 other shows were seeking to drain our audience reserves at nearby clubs that same night; we still packed the place

- Perhaps the most winning sentiment came from a couple from Santa Cruz, CA. They were visiting and wanted something to do; since we were actually listed ("recommended," thanks, Portland Mercury!) appropriately (more on that in a bit) they came to see us. The female of said couple admitted she was quite skeptical, having been the singer in an all-chick 'fits cover band, The Die Darlings (I think I remember that correctly). She said she had thought, "'The Misfats'? That's gotta be a lame joke!" She then said that, about :20 seconds into "20 Pies," that we, indeed, were the owners of the Misfits tribute world.

Of course, our previous appearance at the Ash St. saloon was also very well received and attended so I had no worries about this show doing the same. And no one, I think, was disappointed. Apparently, tho', Camel cigarettes was supposed to have had some big push behind the show, promising big ads and more, if we would just sign forms stating that we love sucking their proverbial balls. I don't know if any of us did, choosing instead to sign the basic waiver-ish form (and forcing each band to go down to the club prior and physically sign this silly thing). Then, in the local rags, there was pretty much nothing except for a mention with a bunch of other things they were pushing; they even only used the catchline from the poster as the sole advertisement. What an expected load of B.S., huh?

This return also intersected with the completion of the "trifecta" that comprised our NW tour with the might Stay Tuned. They went on 2nd and wowed what I'd term as the "right" people in the crowd. The drunk frat boys at the table next to ours obviously just didn't get it at all which, to me, is an instant sign of credibility for most any band. This was ST's first downtown PDX show and it suited them well (their previous appearance had been with us and The Odditors at Porky's in No'Po'; all credit/respect to Porky's but it's a small, out-of-the-way venue when compared to Ash St.). It was further impressive to see them assemble basically a to-scale reconstruction of a civil war battle in audio gear in record time. I don't even think that soundchick extraordinaire Heather had to lash them too severely. In all sincerity, though, go and see Stay Tuned any and every chance you get. ANY music scene that has extremely talented musicians with an exceptional sense of humor and complete dedication to carrying that out the way Stay Tuned is/does deserves a fanatical throng of obedient followers over ANY other band. You feelin' me, Sea-town?

The first band up on the night was Pillowfight. Good energy and attitude made for a great opener ("A little on the long side, their set was," is how Drunk Yoda explained it to me). I did appreciate their sentiment of being known in the future as, "Pillowfats" instead, tho' I prefer the name "Pillowbite" myself... Good-natured blokes who put on a good show, fo' sho'.

Next up was Stay Tuned. See previous paragraphs/blog entries for the wondrous merriment that is this band. Buy their CD's, too.

Up third was Ronster (or, as Drunk Kaiser Wilhelm put it, "Ronster mit der umlaut"). I didn't get to hear much of their set as I was trying to make time with our several friends that were populating the audience by then; the audience - esp. the chix - seemed to really dig 'em, tho', so that's always good as an opener. "You got that libido worked up into a frothy, fishy fury? Good! Now, behold our corpulence and lust for it, women, girls, whores, and saintly broads!" (You can see why we have only a small handful of female followers, huh?)

Then, we hit the stage. Late, yes, but ready. It had been nearly a month since our last show and we all felt it; BUT - and, like us, this has a big "but" - we didn't show it at all, I think. I got angry at getting so tired so soon and took it out on my voice which, for some weird reason, got stronger as the set progressed. It's usually the opposite and the last 3 songs usually suffer, I'm afraid. But not for this show. Later recollections found that Foil was about to hurl at any minute, exhausted as he was from studying to be a night janitor during the past week, and Dr. C.H.O.A.D. was done about 3 songs into the set; that's only about 4 minutes into the set so you know he was working himself over the remainder of that set. And Baloney? He was just happy as a fat kid with a whole cake getting a handjob from sausage factory worker. He said some things but I couldn't hear 'em.

We jabbered, we joshed, we rocked, and our fat rolled. We even sold some shirts and met some enthusiastic, appreciative folks from the audience, which always just warms my heart more than it probably should. Yeah, we all got home late and lost half of Saturday to recharge our massive rock-cock batteries but at least we have a good reason for sleeping in; what about YOU?!?

Birf-day possibilities...

2006-03-06T10:08:00.000-08:00

The Misfats had the chance to revisit Seattle again, the 2nd time in a month, on the 2nd stop of the "Great NW Mini-Tour" with our pals, Stay Tuned. This go 'round was at Tommy's Club which seemed confused to have us there...

Prior to our departure we found a decent practice space, Suburbia Studios, in PDX. For a measly $10/hour we get a large room with a PA setup. There are apparently about 40 other smaller rooms that are rented out monthly there, too. A good option, I think, if you need it. Foil & I got our eat on at the glorious Fire on the Mountain on Friday. We then attempted to get into Roots Brewing Co. as we're fans of the way they handle brewing. However, getting past the estrogen-fest of crying skanks outside we found the place packed, overheated, and full of a higher-than-usual quotient of yuppies, frat boyz, and other retards-by-choice.

Fortunately, Duff's Garage was just up the street and closer to Suburbia so we headed there. With Warsteiner on tap we settled in quite nicely. Dave joined us there for the remainder of the evening, too, even greatly assisting at practice by riding levels, tweaking out Foil's practice amp to be more suitable for the large space we found ourselves in. While at Duff's, the opening act - The Countrypolitans - started up...at 7:15pm! I thought it was an awfully long sound check. They sounded better than the last time I heard 'em (well over a year ago, opening for Deke at Conan's) but they still had that slow country, honky tonk thing going on which isn't exactly my fave style. But I still managed to get a decent buzz on in time for practice where I then proceeded to sweat it off entirely. Thankfully, a seasonally-abstinent CHOAD talked me into going out after, with Dave & Clarence (both of Sons of Calculon fame) to the Bonfire. More drinks were consumed but I was pretty out of it by then as practice usually kicks my ass rather thoroughly if I let it (and I like to). At least we had good talks about arranging a Calculon/Fats show this summer, around the triumphant return of iknowkungfu, and resurrected talk of The Draughtsmen as well. But that band's another blog for another site for another day...

So we packed up and got to Seattle with ample time to spare. Grabbed some 'za and some less than stellar brew up the street from the club, smack dab in the heart of the university district there. Grabbing a smoke outside Tommy's after our soundcheck (since you CAN'T in WA any more which makes Foil's public gas-passing that much worse) one local mentioned that it was a rough night for a show as there were several others occurring at the same time that night. We missed out on alot of the regular foot traffic there, apparently, but we still had a good show. I think it was aided severely by Tommy's "top 10 shots" list, especially when they included the Touchdown, the "Jagerbomb" which, as anyone knows, is actually termed as The Testiculator, and the Cherrybomb. I think birfday girl Kelly had at least 6 of the latter that I noticed which would explain her behaviour later that night (note: that's "explain" and not "excuse").

Our friends Mike & Kelly thus made the trip up for her birthday; since we had played on her b-day last year as well we provided yet another rendition of "Birfday!" (to the tune of, "Rat Fink," for those playing the home game). It was also the Matt/Phil entity of Stay Tuned's birthday celebration, that being the primary reason behind the scheduling of this show. That brought out a few more punters, making an amiable, respectably-sized crowd for both our sets and Stay Tuned's. In terms of our fans, we also had a couple guys that had also actually witnessed our show at the Catwalk in Seattle many moons ago. Since they were two of the 10 people at that show I remembered them. They also filled me in on something I happened to spawn at that show. The two of 'em bought t-shirts at the time but the 3rd didn't, saying he would wait until next time; I told him, "Yeah, do that. And then we can write, "FAG," in big letters across it, too. Would you like that?" His friends lost it but the 3rd guy took it in stride. However, chatting with these two last Saturday, they said they were able to use that since, now calling him just "FAG." Apparently, it's spread to everyone they know, too. I think that's priceless, sharing the love as we're known to do wherever we go. Maybe we can come to your town and insult you for all time, too?

Our set went fairly well, I think. One of the strings on Foil's amazing guitar broke mid-set so he had his first test of replacing that live. He did exceptionally well, I think, accomplishing the task in about 2 minutes. It gave me time to catch my breath and share some jocularity with the crowd, too. Our set seemed kinda short but it was our own doing, too, and it felt pretty good. I'm not sure how it sounded to the crowd but the PA there at Tommy's was fantastic so we could all get the feedback we should care to get.

Further aiding our excellent sound was the uber-kind offer of Stay Tuned to borrow their amps. Foil stuck with his but Baloney took advantage and used Will's fantastic setup. It was quite something to be able to even hear our bass much less with the amount of sound it was now capable of. Again, a big ol' fat bearhug to Stay Tuned for doing that. Just shows what quality guys they are all 'round.

Speaking of that quality, it resonated thoroughly during their set. Their energy seemed pretty up for this show and they were all smiles. Bassist Will and drummer Fred even purchased and donned Misfats tees for their set which pleased us no end - it's just damn satisfying to see a band you respect and enjoy wearing your gear, ya' know? Selfish as it is I just can't get enough of that. Matt (when he's on keyboard and, I think, "Phil" when he's on keytar - or is it the other way 'round?) was having a ball playing for his family that apparently had all come in from out of town for this. (I think our own set really confused 'em but that's part of our charm.) ST busted out their new version of "Family Ties" which was still pretty good, even w/o the opening from "Thunderstruck." We also got to hear "The Golden Girls" which rawks much more than it should for being reminiscent of a show about crabby old broads. And despite and ever-drunkening Kelly's requests for "Facts of Life" it was still outstanding - especially (and always) "Gilligan's Island," transitioning as it does from that song to "Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner" to "Come Sail Away" and back to something else by the end. And can I just say how amazing these guys are as musicians and, simultaneously, how thorough their sense of humor is? Foil and I just shake our heads in disbelief at Will's prowess on the bass, allowing him and him ALONE to play a 5-string. (NOTE: If you play a 5-string bass we will personally come to your house and beat you to death in your own kitchen; in the name of all that is holey. Amen.) Fred's an outstanding drummer, working over a big ol' kit while taking drive-thru orders over his headset AND singing along, even leading, as well. The Matt/Phil entity is just plain insane in the ol' membrane on his Eddie VH-stickered keytar, producing sounds that probably only the original engineer behind that thing at Roland ever even conceived of. If you haven't seen Stay Tuned yet you need to at the earliest opportunity; you also need to buy their CD and t-shirts; if you have relatives, buy 12, too. And then come out and see us paired with these rawk titans at the Ash St. Saloon in PDX on Friday, March 31st, as well. End your period of secluded shame that night with an evening of non-threatening rawkin' of the foundations of your soul, you lazy bastard.

The great cold north (suburb)

2006-02-18T17:00:00.000-08:00

Ah, Vancouver, Wa. - I think it's the only US city named after a Canuck city but what're you gonna do?

I'll tell you what, little mister sassy pants - You're gonna get fairly loaded and play yer living guts out to the very appreciative throng, that's what!

A little history's in order here first. For those unfamiliar, Vancouver lies just across the river that acts as the border 'twixt Washington and Oregon. I'm not sure if it's the Shelbyville to the Springfield-that-is-Portland but it's certainly it's own unique blend of overpaid tech types lured by cheaper housing and a decent public school system and then what I'll just term as the "larry the cable guy" kinda audience. ("You know - morons.")

The 'fats musical roots run fairly deep in this town since one of Foil's previous bands owned any musical hope in that place for a while. "Extended hiatus," aside, it's still impressive to see folks remember this band fondly and are sad to not see 'em playing any longer. It's a shite state of affairs since they left, with really only local heroes Smirk and The Martindales left to fight for any foothold even remotely resembling a legacy or scene.

So when we were invited to play Rachael's birthday party at the club her beau Harry operates at, we saw our opportunity to return some of that old sense & style to that fair land. Throw in a booze cruise of a limo ride and we were all pretty much sold on it.

With temperatures in the low 20s met up at the 15th St. Pub a few hours before our go-time and loaded into the limo. Pulling out of the parking lot we bottomed out and we all found this somehow appropriate. We should test vehicles of such encumbrance, I think. That wasn't the first time of the night nor was it the last that we'd kick out sparks from that thing. Much kudos go to our good-natured driver for not only taking it all in stride but doing his best to minimize it, too. The Misfats stickers Harry had applied to the windows brought back the line to me, "Tinted windows don't mean nuthin'/They know who's inside." Another nice touch was the in-car video roll advertising this particular limo service, billed in the video as, "The Misfats preferred choice of transportation..."

We headed back across the river and partook of the finest establishments for such a group as we for this type of event. The "birthday dance" at Exotica was, shall we say, well worth it; perhaps even more so was our drinking Sparks in the limo, blocking the entrance to the place, laughing at everyone both entering and leaving. We also walked in and immediately owned that place, did our business, and then headed back to the venue for our set.

Upon entering, I hear the non-threatening strains of typical 'couve sensitive rock. Many people who know us ask, "You guys are playing soon, right?" in the manner befitting someone crying for rescue. There were, apparently, three bands before us and while I'm sure they were all fine musicians they, apparently, left out of reverence and defference all the rawkin' of the night to the 'fats (damn straight!). Taking over the men's room we're soon in full battle regalia and ready to face the hungry ones. We tear right in and are immediately met with happy little faces who are very appreciative for this Mother Bird to regurgitate nurturing musical spew into their gaping, smiling maws. Granted, we got stuck by the 2nd song but we more than compensated, throwing that place into an utter frenzy of joyous, raucous, drunken festivities not witnessed since - well, probably since the last time we played. Ha!

Much congrats followed and while we had representatives move on to tend to the after-party (and an appropriately totally wasted birthday girl - yah!) it was time for me to drive home in full makeup and collapse, contended that we had, in some small way, perhaps, made the most of the opportunity to a crowd that knew it well. Thanks again to Harry's generosity, Rachael's energy, and their combined enthusiasm. It set the tempo for the evening's events and never relented. Not too shabby, so "that'll do, pig. That'll do..."

Super Glutton Bowl

2006-02-06T14:57:00.000-08:00

Much thanks is now and again due to both The Monkey Pub and to Stay Tuned. They proved a "good on" for Seattle. Here's how:

Arriving in separate vehicles (after the trailer debacle; don't ask) we find that we'll be unable to crash for free at Baloney's buddy's, the Cactus Huggers, place due to the NW-equivalent of a hurricane we got hit with Friday night. Seems most places are booked to the gills, too, there in the downtown/University area. Megan (I hope I'm spelling that right) the bartender at the Monkey busts her ass in trying to find us a place by making lotsa calls, continuously checking in with us on it all, and basically being a decent human being. Why more show-related folks aren't like that I don't know but her efforts were well appreciated by us all. Baloney managed to find a great deal, tho', so we got an $88 room for all 4 of us a couple blocks from the venue. Said room didn't involve manass-to-manass action (involuntary, of course), too, which was a nice change. Of course, tell a skinny guy he's gonna share a room with two large guys - large guys who love to crank the A/C in hotel rooms especially after sweating out the equivalent of three children during a set - and he'd better have his own blanket. I think we gave Dr. C.H.O.A.D pneumonia but that's what he gets for not having an Artic-ready layer of protective blubber.

The Monkey's not huge but it is wonderfully isolated from nearby frat infestation. They even take special, Misfats-prescribed drink orders. "Cozy" would be a better word for the place, I think. At least they covered one of the pool tables pre-set to help focus folks there on the bands. The stage is floor-level and the crowd setup is covered by two rows of folding tables and a bunch of chairs. It felt a little '68-comeback-ish...

Stay Tuned and us were the only bands playing so we kicked off by 10:30pm. ST has a healthy amount of gear to setup (which they do with blurry efficacy) so I think it took them nearly a half hour just for that feat. But they were soon into their set, wowing a crowd that had obviously never heard them. That part makes me a little sad, in that a band of their caliber and quality don't have a fanatical following that would embarrass other bands, especially in their hometown. A "prophet is only without honor..." I suppose. They are updating some of their old faves for a variety of reasons and have added some new tunes since last we played together. Most fitting was their version of "The Munsters" theme, dedicated to the recently departed "Grampa" Al Lewis. They stupefied, amazed, overcame, and rawked for the better part of an hour. And like Foil stated to me, "This never gets old, man."

After a relatively quick takedown/setup we got stage-ready in the only private place we had access to: the men's room. It's better than some places we've changed (parking lots, stairwells, that weird space in Ash St.) but, due to the Stygian river of Eternal Urine Stank, it wasn't exactly the most pleasant. Our makeup taking a floor dive during this frenzied activity didn't do much to sell me on it, either.

We make our way back up to the stage and launch right into our set. It only takes me getting to the 2nd song in the set to screw up - so much so that we have to start the song over. That's what happens when I clamor for adding more than one new song to the set list. Yet the 50 or so folks in attendance were still appreciative and forgiving. We added, "TV Dinner Casualty," "Hollywood Waffle House," and "In the DriveThru" to the already-prodigious list and they all went off quite well, I think. The last song there is a little more obscure, fitting into the "counted" setlist of, perhaps, the more hardcore Misfits fans; and, as such, it kinda missed its mark since those that are fans of that level tend not to really get our schtick or, at the very least, take it all a bit too seriously. But I like singing it and it's a good "snowball dance" kinda song, something missing (perhaps rightly so?) from our prior setlist.

Exhausted, sweaty beyond belief, and suffering from indigestion (I would still recommend "The Exorcist" burger from across the street but, perhaps, not before a workout) we hang out and chat for awhile with those folks remaining. Thanks to everyone for the kind words of appreciation. The Misfats send that love all the way 'round our own equator (yes, we do have one) and right back at ya'. C.H.O.A.D. and I nearly hurl when ST wanna take us out to eat breakfast - not at the idea, of course, but at the prospect of trying to eat anything at that point. We politely decline and find our way to pass out in our hotel, thankful and full of the good feelings that a quality show with quality folks can give you.

Just a few articles to document our part in the festivities that night:

Object closer may appear fatter than they really are...

Feel the envy, feel the love

the Hamzinger in action

So this is how the NW MiniTour begins, huh?

The wonderfully monstrous hybrid that is Stay Tuned and the Misfats.

Well, come out for the 2nd go-'round on March 4th at Tommy's Club. BE there.

For sale

2006-01-27T12:59:00.000-08:00

Misfats merchandise, our foray into the intermahnetizationology. Buy stuff and maybe we can afford to play near you.

Return to the Return of CBGB's

2006-01-10T09:13:00.000-08:00

Idiotic traffic and driving rain notwithstanding, we ended up in Eugene last Saturday. This marked our return to John Henry's, a club your humble narrator visited obscenely often whilst living in the confines of that town. Last time there we nearly sold the place out along with four other bands. Going on at 1am and having 200+ people staying is a rewarding experience.

This time 'round we brought along Blondage and The Romanes. Pre-show, having a smoke by the backdoor (since indoor smoking has now been banned there), I get to younger guys asking if they can go in. I tell 'em it doesn't matter to me and they figure I don't work there, so they ask me what band I'm in. Upon my response they both get wide-eyed and there's that dawning grin of pleasure: "Dude! You're who we're here to see!" That always feels just damn good.

The service downtown still sux except, of course, at JH. We had a couple pre-show heavies at the Rogue brewery across the way from the venue. I overheard our idiotic waiter saying that he'd worked at McMenamin's prior to Rogue in Eugene. You will find no worse service in the continental U.S. than in McMenamin's in Eugene. Having lived there 10 years I understand this all too well, having lived through it extensively and, almost, exclusively. If someone living there didn't believe me, that I received horrible service pretty much anywhere I went, I'd invite them out with me to witness it for themselves. Everyone that went through this had to afterward admit to my correctness. Amazing - maybe it's the hippies, maybe it's the college town, maybe it's the combo there, I dunno. But the waiter at Rogue was up to the challenge of being a horrible waiter and an asshole to boot. I sat with a broken beer for at least :15 min. in a place with maybe a dozen people in it. We were even close by the bar itself. Foil's burger order took nearly an hour - for a cheeseburger and for a hungry Misfat, that just ain't cool. I call for a local boycott of that place until that retard is replaced (tall bearded asshole waiter - he should be easy to identify) there. Rogue's beer is far superior to McMenamin's anyway and it deserves to be served by respectable, responsible adults.

That said, the service at JH gets special commendation - they take care of everyone quite well, regardless of band membership or not. We happened to just take a seat at the bar during Blondage's soundcheck and they served us while setting up. That alone is the mark of quality of a bar/bartender - it's not an inconvenience to them, they put the customer first. I especially like that.

Speaking of Blondage's sound can I just say, "Wow!"? The previous time we'd played together was the first time I'd heard them. It was also their first after not playing for a few months. They sounded very solid and spot-on then; this past Saturday? It's like they pulled out all the stops. They sounded incredible, not just in the "tribute band" sense but also in the musicianship sense. Tremendous ability and showmanship there. It prompted my comment from the stage during our set, "We'll now take a brief break from the musical ability of the evening to bring you The Misfats."

The Romanes brought it long and hard, much to the pure enjoyment of the remaining crowd. "Joey" even had to go to work at 7am so they were all headed back that evening, after their set started around 12:30am. I still feel bad and would have had them go on 2nd instead of us - I just wish I would've known sooner! But that didn't stop them from giving the crowd two encores, either. Again, many thanks and mucho appreciation to those guys.

Our set? Man, I was in pain but in a good way. I even cut "Buffet Zombies" off accidentally, forgetting the second verse. The best thing is that we've been playing together long enough now, in varying degrees of sobriety, that the rest of the band can recover from my screwup instantly. That, too, is completely rewarding. The rest of our set went well, tho', and we charged through in proper order. I even got some good digs in on skinny bands (probably 90% of those in our audience met that description) and they gave it back in good order, too. Jocularity ensued and we had a ball.

Afterward, as I'm recuperating in the back "green room," I get two nervous guys just wanting to meet me and get numerous pix. The drunker of the two had a killer tattoo of the devillocked skull on his arm so they were long-time 'fits fans. And, now, they were just fawning over us. Again, that's humbling and rewarding all in the same shot. The lack of musicianship of The Misfats is more than compensated by the fan appreciation and the fun everyone (including us) has at our shows. Word.

Of course, I forgot again that the new black greasepaint isn't good on my eyes. My right eye reacts like I've been stabbed with a meaty finger soaked in pinkeye serum. It stays that way for a couple days, too, giving opportunities for long stares from co-workers and lots of avoidance. I can appreciate those moments, tho', and try to rub my eye and then touch lots of stuff in the breakroom in front of them. Nice, no? That's me making lemonade outta lemons, baby!

!Next show! !Next show! !Next show!

Saturday Feb 4th
Misfats (Portland)
Stay Tuned (Seattle)
@ Monkey Pub
5305 Roosevelt Way NE
Seattle, WA 98105
Doors 9pm, $5, 21+

(Of note, in the user reviews of that spot, is this: "if you want to hang out, have a beer, smoke a cigarette and shoot pool in a nearly frat-free atmosphere in the U-District, Monkey Pub can't be beat.")

How appropriate...

2006-01-03T10:55:00.000-08:00

Word of the Day today is "gastronome".

gastronome: a lover of good food and drink.

You can get both on this weekend if you're even remotely close to Eugene, OR, and are 21+ or have some piece of plastic that says as much. The Misfats are proud to be part of, "The Return to CBGB's" bill along with The Romanes and Blondage. Showtime's the usual "9pm" and it's to be found at John Henry's.

Witness the triumphant return!

Fit v. Fat

2005-10-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

So we end up more like fat ring-card girls at the bout: in this corner, weighing a slight amount, we've got Jerry Only and his version of the Misfits; and in this corner, weighing even less, we've got Michale Graves. It's basically 8 blocks of canvas between 'em, too - Jerry down at the Hawthorne Theater and Michale at Sabala's. The former's an all-ages racket, the latter a 21+ affair.

Was it chaotic? Hilarious? Awe-inspiring? I kinda doubt it. We had fun, tho', opening again for Graves at the same place we did over a year ago when he brought Gotham Road to town. Apparently there were maybe a dozen at Jerry Only's show that were over 21. This allowed somebody like Robo to hang out in the crowd unnoticed until some of our old asses hit him up for info. There were a fair amount of kids there, tho', but at $20 a ticket I'm not sure how hardcore this is any longer...

On the other hand, at Sabala's, the $8 show on a Sunday night had some takers, at least more than last year. The Untouchables (no, not that band but another one of kids from Jersey who apparently can't Google band names) opened, then us, then locals The Shift, then Graves. I still apologize for not getting the band names right but, hey, at least I mentioned them this time! Trying to do better at that...

Our set went pretty well (MUCH better than when we opened the Rainin' Blood-fest earlier this year) and, at about :30 min., we just hit the highlights. Foil got to play through a better setup than he ever has thanks to Graves' guitarist Jason needing to borrow his cab to complete his setup. The sound was incredible - even tho' we hardly pride ourselves on gear-geekery it was a nice change. MySpace folks came out in force and that's always a good crowd, too. But the highlight of the audience was prolly Dr. CHOAD's momma getting to witness her offspring ripping through a fat-core set. Decent!

Graves finally got on stage and earlier than we'd anticipated which, on a school night, is always good. He did a good mix of his own stuff (off the "Web of Dharma" album which is actually pretty alright) and the stuff he wrote when with the 'fits, both that which was recorded and that which didn't make it. He's got an amazing set of lungs and a good amount of energy. His line, "I'd rather play in front of two people than play with Jerry Only again," was saddening but enabling and good for his crowd. He played a good set but ran out of steam (his own admission) by the end.

I'll say this for the guy: he's gotta good sense of humor, a good work ethic, likes to have fun through his music, and seems pretty much a straight-up guy. I don't know if I could say the same for Jerry and his version of the Misfits but I'd like to find out someday. Robo's thought was that we should've been opening for them but who knows? It's a strange disparity, a grudging tolerance we enjoy being who we are and what we do and, more importantly, the way we do it. Maybe some day...

Eat out,
-Glenn

:20 seconds over Sabala's

2005-07-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

So the last show was weird. Weird in that sense that we were even on the bill for a weekend-long psychobilly show, even weirder that we started the whole thing off, and weirdest of all that we were done playing then went outside into the sunlight (heavily rain-filtered but "daylight" at least). What gives?

'twas the "Rainin' Blood" festivale, a fairly decent mishmash of music, cars, BBQ, and personalities. At least we got free beer, free event shirts, and some good response. That made up for the indifferent 2 dozen folks lingering in the joint at 7pm and lasting until 7:20pm. That was our set. And the assistant stage manager telling us to wrap up in the middle of the obvious last song ("You guys need to wrap it up?" and my reply, "Hey, whaddya know - we are!") and coming on stage and killing our smoke machine. The regular sound guy appreciated us helping out by doing things right like getting on and off in no time and helping get our gear outta the way. This other douchebag is another story altogether, tho'. I like playing Sabala's alot and we chatted up a good many folks in the sidebar (3D drawings covering the walls and a free jukebox with the Cockney Rejects on it). But that situation was a bit tough for any band to play in, much less us.

I called it a good dress rehearsal since everything we're doing now is pointing to the show in SFO.

And I think we're all looking forward to this Saturday's show at Porky's Pub. We always seem to have a good time there and we're busting out the full damn set this time 'round. Maybe it's the lure of cheap booze in Jell-O form, I dunno, but it should be a hoot. Come see it and you can be a "hoot'er".

Worthy of a post on its own

2005-05-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

Finally! A sammich worthy of the Misfats! See it here and disregard the flimsy retard posing with it.

You gene, I gene, we all scream at Eugene

2005-05-19T14:23:00.000-07:00

Wow - what a show last Friday.

Baloney and I lived in the town of Eugene, OR, for way too long and always get the same feeling of creeping, insidious dissatisfaction whenever returning. But not this time (for me, that is - Baloney still went insane after getting a parking ticket :20 min. after pulling into town).

Here is a copy of the writeup we received in the local alt.rag, the Eugene Weakly-er, Weekly. With that kinda prep on the place we should've known there'd be such a kickazz turnout but we were a little skeptical. We arrived early (naturally - the ONE thing we're not lazy about) and, after unsuccessful attempts to get into John Henry's yielded negative results, we mosied on over to Lucky's. Now, before the citywide indoor smoking ban, this was a great pool/cigar bar that sold $.95 glasses of Henry's and was literally around the block where I "worked." Now, tho', it just seemed kinda sad. Competing for our biz that night, local faves Floater were also playing downtown (but for $15). Any band that describes themselves as "art-metal" needs to have some metal artistically wrapped around their head in ultraviolent fashion. One cat, upon seeing our attempts to roust someone at John Henry's, said, "You should skip that and go see Floater!" Dr. C.H.O.A.D. retorted with one of his better ones, "'Floater'? You mean like a turd?" In true oregonian fashion this cat kept walking and muttering out loud but it felt good to already take that bite.

Speaking of bite, two things sorta related. The show featured 4 bands and started "promptly" at 10:30pm. But the bar staff was great and kept shoving handfuls of drink tickets at us so who are we to say anything bad about that setup? The first band, tho', was so abysmally awful as to drive me outside to hang with old peeps. This led to me finding the hot dog cart on the corner, a vendor selling yer basic Cossco dawgs but offering such fine ammenities as real bacon bits, grilled red peppers, and chipotle mustard. Slathering on a boatload of onions, I enjoyed every bit of the $2.50 it cost.

Thankfully, that band closed up (this their first and most likely last show - aren't we the favored ones?) and the night moved along. The Anxieties tore through a :25 min. set of Screeching Weasel songs and, to my pleasure, did belt out the hit, "I Hate Led Zepplin." Short and sweet, it was a nice break from the previous band and, for me - who seems to be the only SW fan around much - a decent enough time. A seldom seen Turbonegro cover band, Burt Reynolds Overdrive, was up next. They put on a great energetic set and I don't even like Turbonegro. Go figure. Or maybe it was the contact high I was getting waiting in the green room before their set (this is eugene, after all). In any case, they, too, were a welcome addition to the night - plus it was good to see the sadly now-defunct Courtesy Clerks doing something more.

At about :10 after 1am we hit the stage. Normally, when this happens, so many folks have cleared out of the given place that we're just playing to the other bands that are stranded there. Not so the case this evening, tho'. While not as packed as earlier in the night the true faithful remained to raise some fists, guffaws, drinks, and laughter. Thankfully, we'd had the foresight to cut Baloney's mic 'cuz he was buzzing offa 6 long islands and a broken bass strap - still staying in tune and focused, tho', which was damn impressive. Everything he also threw out to the audience got chucked back at us nicely, too, and even a few things that we didn't supply found their way on stage. The pizza to my crotch was a nice touch, too, 'cuz this place didn't serve any pizza. I still think it was thrown by one of my chickenshite enemies from The Old Days who's all fat now and was sorta half-turned to the stage but still stayed through our entire set but who knows? We were all on the edge of puking or passing out our entire set but we were also actually in tune and having a ball. Everyone there seemed to be very much into it and we'd like to thank 'em all, especially those that started the pit and kept it going. Fantabulous!

We had our great haul at the end of the evening, not the least of which was the invitiation to return whenever we wanted. That sure sounds good to us but we've got some miles to put on our soles first. We'll be back, Eugene, with a new setlist and more raucousness, just you wait!

Lick It Up

2005-05-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

So, the show at The Tonic went as well as could be expected. It was good to see "Twilight" Dave in some kinda action again. Free booze never hurts, either, thx to he and Kip or Kiff or whatever.

The Decibators from chicagoland tore open the evening and punched it in the balls while dumping an ashtray down its throat. Quite enjoyable and kickass energy. The crowd was pretty decent through them and the next band, The Hot Rollers, outta Sea-town. Nice chix in schoolgirl outfits taking care of your needs in a nice way. By the time the next seattle band - The Gloryholes - took the stage the crowd had thinned considerably, despite each band's claim that they must stay for The Misfats. Again, with the Gloryholes, great energy, noise, and enthusiasm and that singer sure can take a hip check whilst screaming, "WHOSTOLEMYBISCUITS?" in yer face.

As we were getting ready I asked Baloney for the makeup bag and what we now refer to as the WigTub(tm). He somehow wasn't aware that these had been loaded into the basement of his new place that's soon to be our new practice home. The wife and I moved and we lost the grandioseness of the Sell-wacky neighborhood along with the basement. C.H.O.A.D. was kind enough to swing by and grab the remaining band accoutrements so that (I had hoped, anyway) they wouldn't get lost in the move. At least they didn't get lost in my house. Before the panic and accusations can kick in on 3 fat guys and a skinny bastard half-naked in the flat light outside a NE PDX bar, I noted that we were pretty much just playing to the bands by the time we were going on (around 12:45am but pushing 1am) and that it shouldn't matter. We laughingly again realized that, indeed, the less we try typically the more we succeed.

Donning that attitude and not much else, we crash into our set and never look back. Positing ourselves as the "new KISS w/o the makeup" gag, we decide this is the best course of action. Since all the bands were out-of-towners they don't quite know what to expect lyrically so it's nice to see that look of recognition (at each misfits' song) combined with the morbid laughing curiousity of what we've done to it. They all seemed to have a great time, especially the bass player for The Decibators who, my perfect wife would later remark overhearing him say, noted that we were "the best fucking band I've ever heard!!!" Prolly :30 sec. into the set I spill one cup of water on the floor; 3/4 of the way through the set the Hot Rollers and the girls from The Gloryholes decide it's the appropriate time to have a put the Ding Dongs to good use and wrestle around in them while also stuffing 'em in our various openings. You just can't buy that kinda entertainment. I'm just hoping you can actually wash it out fairly easily.

rock shows are good food

2005-04-12T15:03:00.000-07:00

The good news is...

2005-03-28T13:45:00.000-08:00

from The Ramones official site.

MARKY RAMONE CALLS IT A DAY - AND IT WAS FUN!:
As you know, I have been playing with Jerry Only from The Misfits and Dez from Black Flag, but I've decided that four years is enough. The last shows I will be doing with them will be in Mexico. I will be doing other things on my own, mainly Ramones related business; I will finish my book, and I will be a d.j. on Sirius Radio. I want to thank again, everyone who has made "Raw" and "End of the Century" a great success. I will be seeing you soon, with my own band. I give Jerry and Dez the best of luck.
MARKY RAMONE 03/25/05

It's shy of an apology for, "Project 1950," but it's at least welcome news.

Bands we love

2005-03-28T11:53:00.000-08:00

Check out the link to Darkbuster in the nav. section of this music rag's site.

SFO show is coming and it's gonna be mammoth, my friends...For example, if I were to say words like Jewdriver or Knights of the New Crusade, what would you do?

You'd tear your fucking head off in ecstatic glee, that's what you'd do. Then you'd figure out how to reassamble yerself by early June.

April Fools!!!!

2005-03-21T10:13:00.000-08:00

Ash St. show - 03.19.2005

2005-03-21T10:10:00.000-08:00

To be honest, I'd kinda forgotten about this show until the Wednesday previous. But our pre-show practice went well, running through about 8 songs, trying a few tempo changes and all. We decided to head down a little early and avoid the parking snafus related to The Great Douchebaggery occuring at Kell's that night. That's a long time to sit down at the Ash Street, tho'...

Filthy White Trash were already loaded in, as were The Cooks, when we got there around 7:15pm. FWT even had a banner outside promoting the show and, between them and Monkey Fur, they'd pumped alotta hype around this show which was super cool on their part. I didn't chat with anyone from The Cooks but everyone else I talked with seemed pretty laid back and, alternately, stoked for the show. That alone got me much more in the mood for it all.

The show came with an emcee, Tres (the "s" is silent, he told me; I responded with, "As in "fox"? but he didn't get it), who talked alot but was a pretty good natured guy. He supplied us with an entire bucket of his Voodoo Doughnuts for our set so I'm not complaining AT ALL. Heck, even Elvis opened up with a few crowd favorites to set the tone for the evening (really!).

The Cooks were alright - think less "home cookin'" perhaps and more "cooking school" and you get the idea. They didn't piss me off anyway.

Monkey Fur were up next. Before their set the emcee introduced Kitty and Master Cylinder, SG-lookin' strippers who acted more like ringcard girls. They seemed to think very highly of themselves but did successfully parade the bands' names on placards before their sets (except for The Cooks - sorry, guys; I guess that's the price of being more on time than a stripper). They were also taking care of raffle registrants, apparently. Not a bad idea, altogether, but their collective brain power wouldn't light a glowstick and since when is an "A" cup size acceptable for a stripper? What's wrong with this freakin' country?!?
Monkey Fur more than made up for it with pure decadent noisepunk fun. Despite some folks' objections to their wearing masks ("too 'Slipknot' for me" which is understandable) they rawked right in the gutter from the get-go and had a ball doing it. Their guitarist was a quite-capable shreddist, too, and their stage show included another pseudo-stripper/super-annoying chick gyrated with them for most of the set. Unfortunately, the lead singer didn't heed my oft-yelled advice to punch her in the head but whatever. She and another alterna-chick got all friendly on stage, this same broad who later told us, as we entered to get on stage, that we "looked HOT!" Brash, noisy, and super-messy, Monkey Fur lived up to my expectations and I can't wait to play with 'em again.

FWT took to the stage next. They had the most crowd activity by far, getting a bit of a pit going a few times during their rawk-filled set. And, yes - they were hipsters disguised as that sect's romanticized vision of white trash (let me show you where I grew up and I'll give you true "whiskey tango" - code for "W/T" or "White Trash" for you un-military types) - but there's no denying their rawkability. Their guitar and bass were out-freakin'-standing and the lead singer had enough David Lee Roth in him to make it damn entertaining. Noisepunk, to be certain, but very well done. The strippers flashing and then making out didn't necessarily hurt, either, but, again, no response to, "PUNCH 'EM IN THE HEAD!!!"

So we were there batting cleanup, I guess, tho' I'm thankful we didn't have to clean up. Stuffed animals, granny grippers, hardcore porn, and donuts littered the stage and floor by that point. And, apparently, much to Miss Kelly's chagrin, she doubled the number of penises that she's seen at Misfats shows as Elvis exposed his ol'self as our "opener." I did appreciate that soundgirl Heather played the theme from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" as our intro, too. We sped up a few songs primarily 'cuz they sound better ("Some Kinda Meat," especially but also, "Elastic Age") that way; but I also appreciate it so I'm tired sooner in the set but we've done more by that point now. Until I get into better cardio shape and get my legs back under me, so to speak, that works nicely. Band friend Tommy made his appearance and made it worthwhile, shrieking, "I LOVE YOU, GLEN HAMZINGER!" between each song. I told him that never gets old. Jokes about us having more tits on stage than the so-called strippers of earlier (they were looooong gone by the time we started) and their low self-esteem aside, the crowd that was left seemed to respond pretty well to us, I'd say.

I only wish we had $15 for the 3 shirts that were sold versus the $10 we ended up with but oh well. Oh and having my cell phone (and the bottle opener from my key chain) back would be swell, too, I suppose. But I'd still call it a success of a show anyway.