Lyrics - Don't Open That Mayonnaise

We had to do at least one Graves-era 'fits tune and this one worked out clearly the best of the batch. We had the opportunity to play with Michale Graves (solo, acoustic solo, and with Gotham Road) and we always found him to be a pretty decent guy - hard-working, easy-going, approachable, and always putting on a good show. Again, believe what you want about the guy but that's the Michale we know and respect. And, man alive, that voice of his - the kid's got pipes for days, pipes I would pretty much kill for.

We pretty much always saved this song for the next-to-last spot in the set. The first time we played it for him (in Seattle, the 2nd time we played w/ him) we were a little nervous - we just weren't sure if he had a good enough sense of humor. Part-way through our set I looked out, far in the back of the venue, and saw a smaller-framed guy in a hoodie standing there, nodding and laughing. That's all the validation I needed. He seemed to enjoy the following in the spirit in which it was intended which is good...

Don't Open That Mayonnaise (tune of Don't Open 'til Doomsday)

I bought this jar of condiments so long ago
And now when I wanna use it, I really do not know
Just when did I buy it? When was it made?
A thought comes to me as I twist the lid:

Don't open that mayonnaise
Expiration reads this past May
Don't open that mayonnaise
You might not like what you'll find
Inside

Made of dairy products oh so long ago
Now induces stomach cramping and painful fecal flow
Entering a realm of a pain I've never known
Bowing to the god, the god of porcelain

Don't open that mayonnaise
Expiration reads this past May
Don't open that mayonnaise
You might not like what you'll find
Inside

Don't open that mayonnaise
Expiration reads this past May
Don't open that mayonnaise
You might not like what you'll find
Inside